In re Tom Morvolo Riddle

Mr. Neville Longbottom,

It has come to our attention that you are responsible for the willful and wanton destruction of the personal property of Tom Morvolo Riddle, alias Voldemort.  I am writing to you as the personal representative of the late Mr. Riddle’s estate.  This letter is to inform you that we demand fair and just compensation for the willful killing of Mr. Riddle’s service animal, Nagini the snake.

Testimony from witnesses indicates that late in the evening of May 2, 1998 you did draw the sword commonly atributed to Sir Godric Gryffindor.  Using this sword, you did, with knowledge of your actions and intent to destroy, cut the snake Nagini in two.  Nagini was killed instantly.

It is our assertion, that Mr. Riddle suffered from a disability, and that Nagini was  service animal specifically trained to ameliorate that disability.

Mr. Riddle suffered from a disability.  A disability is defined at law as “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of the major life activities” of an individual.  Examples of applicable physical or mental impairments include, but are not limited to, “any physiological disorder or condition, cosmetic disfigurement, or anatomical loss affecting . . . [the] respiratory” system.  Further more, the law states that any “emotional or mental illness” may constitute a disability.

It has been well documented that in the last several years of his life, Mr. Riddle lived with a severe deformity of the nose.  Witness reports indicate that it was “snakelike.” This would clearly classify as a physical deformity as defined by the law above.  Furthermore, Mr. Riddle was operating under the delusion that he could achieve immortality, which may be an indication  of an “emotional or mental illness” which affected one or more of his major life activities.

Nagini was a service animal.   A service animal means any “animal individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of a person with a disability.”  An example of an applicable work or task includes but is not limited to “fetching dropped items.”   On several occasions, witnesses have testified that they have seen Nagini go to retrieve items for Mr. Riddle.  Such items include a possibly relevant prophesy located in the Ministry of Magic.  It is obvious that substantial training went into getting this sort of behavior.  We maintain that the snake was so trained because Mr. Riddle was unable to leave his residence due to his disability or disabilities.

A police report has been filed in conjunction with this letter.  We would be willing to discuss withdrawal of the complaint in exchange for a fair and reasonable settlement.  We look forward to hearing your settlement offer, and hope to put this act of violence in the past.

Sincerely,

Romgi T. Enigma, Solicitor

Black Malfoy Lestrange & Associates
65 Knockturn Alley
London
United Kingdom

Now remember that this post is just for fun.  Magical folk probably don’t abide by muggle laws either way.  Just to be clear, I am not an attorney, lawyer, barrister or solicitor.

Advertisements

Favorites

Last night I wanted to get to bed early (why are little kids so exhausting?!), so I took some Unisom and had a hot bath around 9pm. (That is early, right? …Or do I just have no comprehension of what is a good time to go to bed?) I had just finished reading Beyonders, and I was thinking about my favorite books. Actually, I was trying to think of a blog post to write about the books I absolutely and completely want you to read. No! This blog is not my life! …But a little bit, yes.

The Unisom was making me so drowsy, though, that I couldn’t think very clearly. Luckily I remembered today that I was planning on writing this post and I looked back through my reading lists to see what I wanted to recommend.

Here you have it: my top 10 favorite books (that I can think of right now).

  • Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
  • Brandon Mull, Beyonders
  • Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game
  • Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
  • E. Nesbit, The Wouldbegoods
  • Cornelia Funke, the Inkworld trilogy
  • Alan Paton, Cry, the Beloved Country
  • Michael Ende, Momo
  • Lloyd Alexander, the Prydain Chronicles
  • Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

What are your favorite books? Do you read them often? I don’t have a copy of The Wouldbegoods or Momo. Or the second and third parts of the Inkworld trilogy. But I do have a very, very worn copy of Ender’s Game, and multiple copies of The Picture of Dorian Gray. (The reason: I really, really want this version, but I keep ending up receiving regular paperback copies. Sad.)


Beyonders

by Brandon Mull

{ 2011 | Aladdin | 464 pgs }

You may recall that both the Romgi and I are big fans of author Brandon Mull – he wrote the Fablehaven series and The Candy Shop War. Earlier this year, the Romgi came back from a trip to the bookstore with Mull’s newest work: Beyonders, or possibly A World Without Heroes (Beyonders). I’m still not exactly sure what the full title is or how I should reference the book. For now, I’ll stick with Beyonders. It’s the first in a new series and…holy cow, guys. Do you ever listen to my recommendations? Do it now! Read this book!

Beyonders is the story of a regular kid who gets mysteriously transported to another world. If that sounds familiar, it’s ok. When I sit back and think about it, many of the elements of Beyonders are your typical fantasy-adventure fare. The great thing about it is that it feels original. Even though it’s another circumstances-call-for-a-hero book, it’s believable! How often do you encounter a book like that?

As always, I’m hesitant to say too much about the plot. It’s such a captivating read that I really just suggest you go get a copy and sit down with it. The kids were nuts yesterday but I still managed to read Beyonders while the Romgi was at work. So worth it! For comparison, I think Beyonders is a little like A Wrinkle in Time and The Riftwar Saga (by Raymond E. Feist). And maybe The Wee Free Men, but I haven’t read that in so long – I could be wrong about the similarities. Anyway, if you’ve never read all of those books, you ought to. But first go read Beyonders. I’m not joking, this book is SUPER GREAT. Definitely one of my new favorites!

Buy Beyonders at Amazon