In re Tom Morvolo RiddlePosted: May 17, 2011 Filed under: Importance of Being Earnest 3 Comments
Mr. Neville Longbottom,
It has come to our attention that you are responsible for the willful and wanton destruction of the personal property of Tom Morvolo Riddle, alias Voldemort. I am writing to you as the personal representative of the late Mr. Riddle’s estate. This letter is to inform you that we demand fair and just compensation for the willful killing of Mr. Riddle’s service animal, Nagini the snake.
Testimony from witnesses indicates that late in the evening of May 2, 1998 you did draw the sword commonly atributed to Sir Godric Gryffindor. Using this sword, you did, with knowledge of your actions and intent to destroy, cut the snake Nagini in two. Nagini was killed instantly.
It is our assertion, that Mr. Riddle suffered from a disability, and that Nagini was service animal specifically trained to ameliorate that disability.
Mr. Riddle suffered from a disability. A disability is defined at law as “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of the major life activities” of an individual. Examples of applicable physical or mental impairments include, but are not limited to, “any physiological disorder or condition, cosmetic disfigurement, or anatomical loss affecting . . . [the] respiratory” system. Further more, the law states that any “emotional or mental illness” may constitute a disability.
It has been well documented that in the last several years of his life, Mr. Riddle lived with a severe deformity of the nose. Witness reports indicate that it was “snakelike.” This would clearly classify as a physical deformity as defined by the law above. Furthermore, Mr. Riddle was operating under the delusion that he could achieve immortality, which may be an indication of an “emotional or mental illness” which affected one or more of his major life activities.
Nagini was a service animal. A service animal means any “animal individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of a person with a disability.” An example of an applicable work or task includes but is not limited to “fetching dropped items.” On several occasions, witnesses have testified that they have seen Nagini go to retrieve items for Mr. Riddle. Such items include a possibly relevant prophesy located in the Ministry of Magic. It is obvious that substantial training went into getting this sort of behavior. We maintain that the snake was so trained because Mr. Riddle was unable to leave his residence due to his disability or disabilities.
A police report has been filed in conjunction with this letter. We would be willing to discuss withdrawal of the complaint in exchange for a fair and reasonable settlement. We look forward to hearing your settlement offer, and hope to put this act of violence in the past.
Romgi T. Enigma, Solicitor
Black Malfoy Lestrange & Associates
65 Knockturn Alley
Now remember that this post is just for fun. Magical folk probably don’t abide by muggle laws either way. Just to be clear, I am not an attorney, lawyer, barrister or solicitor.
I hope you also write a response from Neville’s attorney.
you made my day.
Glad to hear it! I mean, we all know plaintiff’s attorney’s are dark wizards, right?