Relief

President Obama announced yesterday that “For the first time in modern history, Americans need not worry any longer about  foreign debt.”  Further clarifying that he had “entered into a deal which would eliminate America’s foreign debt” and “strengthen our relationships in the international community.”

When President Obama signed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (“PPACA”) on March 23, 2010, many critics worried that such extensive revision of current healthcare law would be costly.  Pundits argued that  despite claims that PPACA would pay for itself, it would in fact increase the government’s reliance on international debt, and hinder the flagging economic recovery.

According to Obama’s remarks in a White House news conference held yesterday, however, there is nothing to worry about.

The President was initially reluctant to release details regarding the nature of the deal, and avoided giving specifics on how it would provide  relief to the millions suffering in the American debt crisis.

When pressed for clarification on the issue, he further elaborated, “I have received a confidential electronic communication from a certain member of the former royal family of Nigeria.  He has assured me in the strictest of confidences that he has more than enough funds to help with our current economic recovery.   The only problem,” the President continued, “is that the money is held in the central bank of Nigeria.”

Obama further elaborated that by “simply providing access to U.S. Treasury accounts, American will be able to not only assist and uplift a influential international figure, but receive a portion of the funds as we provide a safe harbor for the money away out of Nigeria.”

When questioned about the dangers of giving account information to foreign nationals, Obama responded with claims that he has been assured by the Prince that the transaction is “100% safe” but that he could not go into more detail because the project was “utterly confidential” and “top secret.”

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, White House insiders who have viewed the email claim that it “appears legit” and that the President was happy to have received the communication.  One insider noted that “this could be a boon to the President in the coming election.”