written during church

I’m sitting here at the institute building. came for rockville branch, and it’s quarter to, but no one else here. strange how many forgotten memories come back when I’m in this building. the one I remember most distinctly is from a meeting we had here — was it just my ward? maybe even just the yw — no, probably ym/yw. a planning meeting for the next year. we had it in december 2001. but what I remember about it was sitting talking to sister traylor and another girl about my age, and I was saying something about david…wearing my peacoat, with an I am loved button. after the meeting — oh! it must have been januar, because after the meeting I met up with david and we went to goze’s birthday party, and then we watched a movie at his house. it was the weekend before we started dating. anyhow, I had that smile when I was talking about him, but somehow I still didn’t realize that I liked him…

now it’s starting to fill up. and people are actually talking to me. not sitting by me, granted, but maybe eventually someone will come. maybe.

ahh countdown six weeks until the homecoming. nervous, excited, hesitant, doubtful, anxious, somewhat giddy. and it will all be amplified in the coming weeks. today I don’t think things will work out, becauseI don’t feel in love. and also because I want all the experiences of dating someone new, like meeting his family for the first time, and being introduced to his friends as “the girlfriend.” not at all possible with jarom. I guess if I were really in love it wouldn’t matter. but at the same time I really want to make it work for us — or do I just want to be loved, and be held again?

I feel like writing at the moment. not really much to say, though, so it will come out as rambling. (hey wait…) why did I come to rockville branch? it must’ve been a social thing. and I did get to see some fun people that I haven’t seen in a while.

what I want though is to fast-forward a while. not all the way to utah, maybe just until jarom comes home. I don’t think a whole lot of exciting stuff is supposed to happen before then. wonder how things will go? I’m not expecting to see jarom until his homecoming — and that won’t be personal. I know I’ll talk to him, and there’ll be plenty of people around to keep it from being really awkward…but when will we get to really talk? is he going to call me? are we going to hang out much? or will he be weird, really weird? I’m worried that there’ll be too many other people wanting his time. of course he’ll want to spend time with his family — he’s never met the twins. are there other people here to distract him? I confess I’m kind of glad that sprite is already married.

— oh yeah, I heard that sarah flinders, the girl alex was in love with, is getting married! I had no idea. but I’m sure she’s happy, and alex will find someone else.

one of our stake patriarchs, brother blaisedell, passed away thursday evening. I think everyone is a little bit relieved; not that we wanted him to go, but he was awfully lonely without his wife. I mean he was 94, and she’s been dead almost twenty years. the funeral is wednesday. it’ll only be the third I’ve ever attended — the first being my grandmother’s, when I was five, and the other being bishop parini’s, when I was 16.


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