twelve pound yesterdayPosted: April 27, 2005
I’m delighted to report that ryan got his package (which, due to my forgetfulness, was only 11 lbs) and enjoyed it thoroughly. or hated it, but lied and said he enjoyed it thoroughly, which works just as well for me. almost.
haven’t slept well lately. I stayed up last night until about 12:30, because I took a nap from 3-8:30, and then (of course) couldn’t get to sleep at bedtime. ish. bedtime-ish. I woke up about every hour, with unpleasant dreams in between. not fun. the worst dream was this morning about 5:20, when I ought to have been already up and getting ready for work, but I don’t remember my alarm going off at all. it probably did though. anyway, it was almost a nightmare, and I thought of calling ryan to make me feel better. but that seemed rude, it being so insanely early in the morning.
I’m trying very hard not to fall asleep right now. if I take a nap, I’ll have the same dilemma as yesterday. I’d rather just get a good night’s rest tonight.
it looks like quite a few people will be let go at work. mick wants to completely change directions for the company; finish up the few projects we have now, and then start moving towards…something else. no one has really told me. lauren and mick jr have been trying to plan things out for the next few weeks, and I luckily know I’ll be staying. the work won’t be fun–they’re going to make me prep pec again, dangit–but at least I’m keeping my job.
did you know it’s really ineffective to try convincing God that what it seems like He’s telling you to do is really not all that logical? I attempted it the other night when I was praying about what to do this coming fall semester. “now look,” I said, “it just doesn’t make any sense to go back to utah. it isn’t reasonable.” after about three minutes I finally gave up, gave in. I knew what I needed to do; hey, it’s even what I want to do, but it seemed so irrational. in fact it still seems kind of irrational, but now I have divine backup, right?
so there’s my news: mika will be returning to utah at the end of august. indefinitely.
it’s an interesting story. when I was talking to ryan monday night I said, “have you ever wanted to do something that really didn’t make any sense if you thought about it logically?” he replied, “of course. lots of times.” until I asked that question it hadn’t occurred to me that I really wanted to go back to utah, that I was ready to go back. but I continued, “I think I want to come back to provo. but it’s so unreasonable.” ryan did a very good job of pointing out all the logical fallacies I was using as my arguments, most of which were based on the assumption that money is the only deciding factor in what one should do with one’s life at a given point in time. by the time we were done talking I was fairly convinced that I wanted to go back to utah more than anything else right now — however…it still didn’t make sense to do it. so I prayed about it, and regardless of the fact that I claimed it didn’t make sense, it seemed like the only thing to do.
yesterday I went in and had a talk with mick sr and told him I was tentatively considering moving back to utah at the end of summer. why did I phrase it like that? even when I talked to my dad about it I said, “I think I’d like to go back to utah.” but the truth is, I’m going. I know I’m going, and no one can change my mind about it. it’s a fact, not a possibility. I guess I didn’t want to seem like I had made a giant decision without consulting anyone (again) or thinking about it very much (read: new car).
and you know what? I’m so excited! I can’t wait. it probably helped my decision along a lot when I found out that ryan will be back at byu this next year. good times, very good times. I plan to keep this as a surprise for kimberlee.
well, what else would it be? if I talk to her about it she’ll try getting me to live with her, or be in her ward, or we’ll plan all sorts of things to do together…when I’d rather just keep life a little more casual than that. than her energy level, I mean. I’m not going to be her roommate again, not even for this one semester. which means I’ve got to find somewhere else to live. wrote jennifer an email asking what her plans are, and am trying to get ahold of aubrey.
no further updates at the moment…