- my car cost $2700 to fix. I love gabe, but it’s time to move on. I’m selling him and buying a new car.
- I’ve been sorely tempted lately to set out on n texas, get onto i-80 east, and drive to salt lake.
- while I was in utah I got to hear ryan (and one of the usu choirs) sing mozart’s requiem. marvelous. I wish I could go to the performance on sunday.
- today at work I did almost nothing right.
- they opened a starbucks on west texas, at the most convenient spot for when I’m going to work in the mornings. I love their hot chocolate. mm.
- ryan might be living in seattle this summer, so maybe I’ll get to make a trip to washington.
- still no word from jarom. perhaps I said something highly inappropriate, and forgot about it.
- I’ve had 2 days out of the past 11 where I didn’t cry at all. the average number of times per day that I cried is probably 5. why am I so dramatic?
the trip to utah was maybe a mistake. I went hoping it would make me less lonely; now I’m feeling more lost and alone than before. man I’m ridiculous. plus now I miss ryan. didn’t a few weeks ago, not like I do now.
the main thing is though — I figured out what’s been eating at me. is still eating at me. I have no idea where I want my life to go anymore, no idea what I even want in the next six months. it’s blank, empty, completely unknown. I’ve always had a plan before, and I feel very uneasy without one. but there’s no way of planning anything right now. I’ll have to play it by ear. do you know how much I hate having to play it by ear?
tomorrow I’m going to test drive the car I want. it’s a 2000 dodge neon, navy blue, with a sunroof. if I remember correctly it’s got 79k miles on it. and I want it badly. I am coveting this car. good thing tomorrow is payday…
p.s. many prayers for veronica, whose good-for-nothing boyfriend beat the crap out of her this weekend. remind me to never, ever, ever get into (or if I manage to get into, remind to to never, ever, ever stay in) an abusive relationship. (wait…getting into a relationship isn’t something I’d do anyway, so I guess no worries there.)