be attles

have you ever seen the movie help! starring the beatles? it’s a good one, although if you don’t like the beatles you probably wouldn’t enjoy the movie. anyhow, there’re these weird cultist people from…india? it wasn’t ever clear about where they were from. and they needed to get back their sacrificial ring that the girl who was supposed to be sacrificed next sent to ringo, and everytime they say “beatles” it’s pronounced like “be attles.” but quickly. sounds kinda russian almost. actually, just about any foreign accent would do.

then there are great parts like “go…to…the window! go…to…the window!” well, maybe it’s only funny if you’ve seen the movie and have some clue what I’m talking about.

so the point is, I threw together a beatles cd last night to put in my car, and it was wonderful on my way to work this morning. but, as luck would have it, only the first 3 songs copied correctly. after that they’re garbled and they skip a lot. I know it isn’t the cd player in the car, ’cause I tried it on a discman too. if I can make a new copy, though, it’ll be fabulous.

discovered something today: I don’t want to have all the getting-into-a-relationship excitement and uncertainty and finding out all sorts of interesting stuff about the other person, and the energy that goes into all of that. I just want jarom. I’ve already put so much energy into the strange relationship I have with him, and all I want to do is have him come home and move forward…I like this strange thing we’ve got going, ’cause I think he must like me, and it’s nice to be liked. mwahaha mika is liked. and maybe even loved. ee! this is plenty exciting for me. countdown is still 2 months, time enough to grow my hair longer and paint my room and sell gabe and get some more money in my bank account. and be awesomer.

I am so bony. what on earth is wrong? I swear my wrist was not this grotesquely thin yesterday. it worries me a little. maybe I’ll ask someone if I’m usually so skinny. and they’ll say yes, and I’ll think, why the heck do people let me walk around all icky like this, with emaciated limbs…but then I’ll remember that my legs don’t look emaciated, and my hips definitely don’t, not with that extra flabbage that showed up after I moved back home. just my arms are gross. euhl.

I’m dreamy romantic right now. which was pretty obvious, except the sidetrack about scrawny wrists. isn’t it wonderful to be in a good mood again? last night was exhausting in every way; kendy had a major obsessive episode while the parents were out, and it really kinda freaked me out. I was on my way into the kitchen and I heard her, sounding like she was having a nightmare, so I went to wake her up. but she was awake, and I sat on her bed to try calming her down, but after a minute she started talking to herself, jabbering and referring to me as if I weren’t there. I had no idea what to do and it seemed so psychotic, her going on like that, and I was scared. I didn’t know if she was even the slightest bit rational and if either of us were safe, physically. so I called the parents, who were on their way home from vacaville. my dad said there isn’t anything I can do when she starts obsessing, that she won’t hurt herself or anyone else, and eventually she’ll tire herself out and fall asleep.

that was another big sidetrack from dreamy romantic, huh? what I was getting at, though, was that despite being angry and scared and mopy yesterday, here I am again at mika standard emotion, or what ought to be standard. I have no cynicism at the moment, but I hereby permit such to be a part of the standard. otherwise I’ll never survive. completely optimistic all the time? not likely.

and now, as lunch break is over, I’m going to go be attle some more.

“I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello…”

p.s. update: mail came. letter did not. car registration did. car registration is only valid until october, stupid finks. (should read harriet the spy sometime soon.) I can see a bag of pistachios sitting by my bed, beckoning. oh crap, gotta get more pistachios to send ryan, and all the other stuff for the package. gotta mail it friday. mwahaha, no work on friday…not like I didn’t make up for it yesterday and today, but, meh.


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