just finished watching spider-man on tv. I think I like the second better…it seems like peter has more internal conflict to deal with. most people like the second better, though, right? hm.

made it through work today. got new sunglasses, finally, so hopefully I can drive the ten blocks to work without having to pull over because my eyes hurt so much. I was just trying to come back from lunch, and it looked like I was sobbing. like I’d just lost my best friend or found out my dog died. well, good thing I don’t have a dog to begin with.

I read the great divorce by c.s. lewis earlier. our rs enrichment night is tomorrow — for once they have something that interests me: a “literacy night,” where the two book discussions will be about the great divorce and farenheit 451. then there’ll be a book-trading table…free books…it sounds awfully well-organized, and the choice of those two specific books seems like a good omen. like whoever was in charge knew what they were doing. best of all — no crafts! no coming home with 4th of july wooden cutesy things that serve no purpose whatsoever, and aren’t particularly well-suited to…um…me. for some women, yeah, I know, it’s great. just not me.

one week. I’ve been so weepy lately; not because of jarom coming home, and maybe I’m not sure why at all. it’s probably due in large part to things between ryan and I. which is what I was referring to in my vague writing yesterday. at the moment I’m doing fairly well, but I know when I go to bed and I’m a third of the way asleep I’ll start feeling sad, and weepy, and luckily it will tire me out completely. last night I was just barely asleep for about an hour and a half — I mean that I wasn’t exactly conscious, but every so often I’d open my eyes a bit and I was aware that I’d just been having a semi-logical train of thought. that awake but dreaming thing. I have no idea how to describe this, so if you don’t know what on earth I’m talking about, I’m not surprised.

anyway, when I talked to quentin on sunday he said that he and kimberlee will be going to dinner at villa romana next weekend, or maybe it’s right before they leave…that’s the restaurant we (alex, me, quentin, alicia) went to for prom. it was delicious, and I asked quentin to tell me the name of the restaurant again because I’ve been wanting to go back there ever since. he said jarom and I are welcome to join them, as a double-date sort of thing. well…yeah, I’d love to, but don’t you kinda think that might be a bit much for jarom? just a few days off the plane and he’s going out on a nice dinner date. granted, it’s with me…that is tempting…I mentioned it to my mom, and she said, “well, in the long run, I guess it doesn’t actually do any harm to ask him” — which, by her tone, I interpreted to mean she almost thinks I ought to. but if it’s next weekend that they’re going then I have to call jarom…assuming he hasn’t called me…and I’m just too scared. maybe I’ll make quentin call. that seems reasonable. why am I such a chicken? I wish jarom would just call me. like, tuesday evening. that’d be awesome. man. unlikely, though. I’d settle for thursday. then I can casually mention that quentin and kimberlee are in town, and hey, we’re going out to dinner, and then it almost sounds like he’s just being invited along on a group-ish thing. instead of the actual situation, which is that I’m only going if jarom goes. but I do think we’ll at least all go out for ice cream while we’re all here. that’s nice and casual, and allows lots of talking.

why oh why do I have to think about everything so much? I really ought to be talking to real people more. the whole time I’ve been home I hardly talk anymore, except when I’m in the mood to chat with lauren or when we’re eating dinner as a family. or sometimes I go talk for a while with my mom or my dad. but for the most part…I think a lot, and write a lot, and spend a lot of time alone. is it bad? obviously it is to some degree, or I wouldn’t be so concerned about going back to utah. though I do think it’s a good quality to be able to enjoy solitude. some people really hate being by themselves, and not interacting with others. don’t you think everyone needs quiet time, alone? I do. there it is again, think think think.

I stopped by see’s when I was in the mall earlier. I got a cup of summertime (!) and a milk bordeaux. I wish I hadn’t eaten them already…but I was so excited that they have the summertime available now, it’s one of the best things ever. there were two pieces in the cup, so I ate one summertime and then the bordeaux and then the other summertime. I knew I should’ve saved something for later. dangit.

and now I suppose it’s time for bed. I slept a long time earlier, so it’ll probably be another one of those sort-of-asleep nights that I tried explaining a few paragraphs ago.

right. I’m done now.

oh, just kidding. I remembered more. today at work mick pulled me into the conference room and we talked for about half an hour, about lauren leaving and me leaving and me doing indexing while I’m in utah. he said he’s very willing to set me up with everything I need to do indexing through ftp, and pay me about $20/hr. which is not bad at all. of course it does require that mha still be in business by then, and still be scanning. which is iffy. anyway, I also asked mick about next week, since we’ll have finished everything up in the office by about wednesday; he said there’s still plenty to work on — we’ll all be helping with the iso-9000 manual, and since I said I’d be willing to edit it, that will give me work for at least a few weeks. and we should have more work by then. otherwise I know I can certainly draw the process out longer. wahoo.

so that’s my update on the work situation. I’m probably going to take next friday off, so’s I can play. I haven’t played in so long! definitely looking forward to that.

and that, I believe, is the end of my ramblings for tonight.


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