Pretty Long, But Worth It

Every now and then (more often than you would think) we get spam faxes at the law school. I didn’t know there was such a thing as a spam fax until I worked here. We got one today, and I just had to post it. It is long, but… well, you’ll see. Here it is (spelling and grammar mistakes and all).

To Whom It May Concern,
I, Sean Michael Tooley, Am Seeking Representation/Help For
Me As A Victim Of Crime In The United States By
The Central Intelligence Agency.
Richard Williams,
Belinda Mclees,
Jim Mclees,
Andrea Hopkins,
Chuck Williams, And
Charles Williams,
Are Operating Illegal Wire Taps On Me, And Using The Wire Taps On me They Are Operating L.A.S.E.R. Weapon Systems/Machines On Me In My Home, And Out In The Public, Shooting Me In The Liver Giving Me Liver Failure, Killing Me, In There Efforts to Kill Me, “Furthermore, The Central Intelligence Agency Is Using The Internet To Tell EveryBody To Lie and Paying People Off To Lie Regarding There Public Execution Of Me Being Viewed By The Public On Internet.

This Is A Public Execution By The Central Intelligence Agency And Is Not United States National Security. “In Addition The C.I.A. Is Using The Internet To Run A Parliamentary/Domestic Terrorism Operation On Me Out In The Public By U.S. Citizens To Secure There Public Execution Of Me With Ultra-Violet L.A.S.E.R.’s.

Please Help Me. I Need Protection From These Individuals And To Be Removed From There L.A.S.E.R. Weapons Systems Being Operated One Me, Shot Into My Liver, Giving Me Liver Failure, Killing Me.

I Need Help With The Fact That EveryBody In The U.S. Is Lying, And Being Asked To Lie By The C.I.A., And I Need To Be Put In Contact With The Covert People/Outside People Who Continue To Secretly Sue The Central Intelligence Agency Regarding The Illegal Operation To Publicly Execute Me.

Thank You,

Sean Michael Tooley

Isn’t that great? We got TWO letters from this guy! The other one is about the same, but goes on about operation “PURPLE.”


I've Been Tagged

Roni tagged me for this bit of blogging fun. I am supposed to write 8 random things about myself, eh? Well, here it goes:

1. When I was little (probably around 8 or 9) I remember reading in a book that if you dig down far enough, then you can find fossils almost anywhere in the world (can you see where this is going?). So, I went out into the backyard with a shovel and started digging. I never found any fossils, but I did find an old action figure about a foot down. By the time I was done, the hole was about 5 feet deep and three feet across. Oddly enough, I don’t remember getting in trouble for it.

2. I really like riding my bike to work every day. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something.

3. My favorite movie is Jurassic Park, I probably saw it 15 or 16 times in the theater. It helped that we used to have a 50 cent theater in town, and that Jurassic Park was in the theater for about a year.

4. Sometimes my boss intentionally buys too much food for staff meetings, just so that the people who don’t go to the meetings can having some of the extra food.

5. I have a secret ambition; I want to be the coach of an Academic Decathlon team. It was one of my favorite things I did in high school, and it is one of the things that I feel prepared me the most for college.

6. This one time, my brother and I were outside throwing rocks at each other (we had been kicked outside of the house for being too rowdy). It was really dark outside, and we couldn’t really see where we were throwing anything. The next morning, we found out that we had smashed our neighbor’s car window with one of the rocks. That was the only time I remember getting grounded.

7. I ate dog while I was on my mission in Korea. It wasn’t all that bad, and tastes a lot like beef.

8. I don’t like a lot of vibrato in people’s singing voices. It creeps me out, and I think a lot of people force it, and it makes them sound worse than they would NOT using vibrato.

There you go. Eight random things. I know I am supposed to tag people, but I really don’t know who to tag. I could say something ambiguous, like the people who I’m tagging “know who you are,” but… I don’t even know who you are. If you read this, and had fun reading it, then go ahead and do it!