The Ultimate Disappointment

You know something is important when both the Romgi and I write a blog about it.

Little Caesar’s is known for having a $5 Hot-n-Ready pizza. You’re right if you expect that this is a pizza just barely worth the $5. Besides the fact that it’s sitting under a heat lamp, the cheese has a slightly strange coloring to it and the crust isn’t much to speak of. But, for $5, you can’t really expect much.

Or can you? Utah has a great chain called 5Buck Pizza, and yes, they are known for having a medium super-premium (eh?) pizza for five bucks, all toppings free. And they make it fresh when you order, take only 15 minutes to have it ready, and can cook a pretty decent pizza. We immediately switched to 5Buck Pizza for all our I-don’t-want-to-cook-and-don’t-feel-like-fast-food needs.

No Expiration!But then. With the price of corn going up (ethanol), it costs more to feed cows (they get corn), so milk — and therefore cheese — is getting more expensive. That meant that this past summer 5Buck Pizza changed their menu. A medium pizza was $5 with one topping, and $6 with unlimited toppings. Still, not a bad deal. But then. They changed their prices again…medium one-topping was $6, medium super-premium (I guess they mean unlimited toppings) was $7, and large was $9. Honestly, we were ok with paying $7 for what we thought was a good pizza. And every time we bought a pizza it came with a coupon for a large super-premium for $7. Why get a medium when you can get the large for the same price? Sounds like good reasoning to me.

We actually have bought a $7 large pizza in the past month. I think it was when we got our car back from the shop and could finally leave the house again. It came with another coupon, which I stuck on the fridge. As far as we were aware, all was well and good in the world of 5Buck Pizza.

BUT THEN. I called tonight to order and told them I had a coupon for a large for $7. The guy on the phone told me to wait a minute. I could hear him turn to his coworkers and ask if they still accept that coupon; they said to ask if it had an expiration date. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t, and it never has. I told him that, and he let me know that those coupons are no longer valid, as they started using new coupons about five weeks ago.

Since it’s their company and their coupons, I suppose technically they can stop accepting whatever coupons they want whenever they want. But it seems underhanded, seeing as we got that coupon within the last five weeks. I’m sorry to say that I didn’t place and order and I don’t think we’ll be using 5Buck Pizza from now on.

What a disappointment.

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"5Buck" Pizza

Dear 5Buck Pizza,

I am writing to you today in an attempt to help you see how little sense you make. The name of your company is “5Buck Pizza” and the slogan, which appears on every coupon, every store front, and every sign, is “All Toppings Free.” When I first came to Utah and saw your store, I thought that it had to be some kind of gimmick. There was simply no way that you could get a “super premium pizza” for 5 bucks.

I was pleasantly surprised when I ordered Pizza from you, not only was it really 5 bucks, your stores used fresh toppings, and tasty dough. This was a win win situation. Not only could I get a top notch pizza, but I could get it for 5 bucks plus tax. I thought I would be a lifetime customer (well, at least as long as I was stuck in Utah).

Then the unthinkable happened. 5Buck pizza was no longer 5 bucks. I understood that the rising price of corn drove up the cost of milk (cows have to eat right?), and I thought it would be only a temporary price hike. After all, a one topping pizza was still 5 bucks, and if you wanted more toppings you would have to pay a dollar more. Not to mention the obvious, but your company name was still “5Buck Pizza.” So what if you were no longer “home of the free toppings,” you still made a great pizza that was worth the extra dollar for fresh toppings.

Then the DOUBLE unthinkable happened. Even though the price of milk in the grocery store had gone back down, you did not lower your prices. In fact, you raised them again. Doesn’t this seem a little ridiculous? Now, the basic pizza (one topping) was 7 dollars. 7 dollars?!?! But the name remained “5Buck Pizza!!” It is even more ridiculous when you realize that you don’t have a single pizza on your menu that is 5 bucks! Your small is 4 bucks, your medium is 7, and your large is 10!

Even this great injustice was palpable, because we still got coupons with every pizza. These coupons allowed us to get a large pizza for 7 bucks, which was great. But now, what may be the greatest injustice of all. We called to order a pizza today, and were told that you no longer accept coupons. In fact, I believe you said that the coupons we had were expired. When we mentioned that they don’t have an expiration date, all you could say was “those expired 5 weeks ago.”

So, how does your company make any sense? You used to be the best deal in town because “5Buck Pizza” was 5Bucks. But now you cost as much as Domino’s pizza. I am now so disheartened with your company that it is doubtful that I will buy your pizzas any longer. It is like going to your favorite burger place, only to find out that though the name is “Burger Czar” you now only sell dirt. Nasty dirt. Nasty dirt that costs more than a burger.

Please go back to the good ol’ days when you name made sense, and your logo wasn’t a lie. Or change your company name. Either way will work.

Sincerely,
The Romgi