sleeping beauty?

yesterday I got home about 3:15 with a killer headache. I unfolded my futon and laid down for a nap. around six my mom woke me up for dinner; I went back to sleep after I finished eating, and woke up again at 3am. got a drink and re-entered the world of dreams. I finally got up this morning at ten, bringing my total sleep time to approximately 18 hours.

18 hours?! what the?

everyone who has responded to my “return of the mika” email has offered suggestions on where to live this fall, or said they’ll let me know if anything turns up. alicia even talked to her sister,who is moving out to provo in june, and explained my situation — so now a total stranger is accepting me as a potential roomie! that’s awfully nice. I’m still waiting for montgomery’s phone call, and hoping she might have a free spot wherever she’s planning to live. but, chances are increasing that I’ll go ahead and room with julia.

it’s starting to sound like tons and tons of fun. if the gustafson house is a party house, so be it — maybe I can actually follow through on all my old promises of “being more social this year.” I’m sure there’ll be plenty of places to go when I need a quiet break, and this should give me a good opportunity to host dinner parties. woohoo!! or as ryan would say, woo!! hoo!!

he called me yesterday about noon to let me know he was done with finals, done with the semester, done with the schoolyear. huzzah! I still kinda wish I could go out and visit this summer, so we could have good times at the cabin. if mha collapses, maybe I’ll take a week “between jobs” to do it.

everyone wants to know what day I’m coming. like I know that far in advance! and here we see mika taking part in ryan’s “playing it by ear” thing that drives me so crazy. but, I’m fine with it for now. I know I’m going back to utah and that’s plenty to keep me happy. not just happy, but ecstatic, euphoric. there’s a james taylor concert on saturday, august 20th…would really like for ryan and I to go together. now that I actually know most jt songs. quentin was talking about doing a caravan out to utah, with him, his sisters, jarom, and the rest the high school gang. it’d be right around the 19th or 20th. do you think it might work? I’d have to talk to ryan and see if he’ll let go with him. and find out if quentin can go on the 19th.

the one downside is that I don’t think I can bring my futon out to utah with me. blast, blast, blast. how am I going to sleep on a mattress? but, there’s just no place to put a futon. no room for it. I am very disappointed. if I were sharing a room with julia — there’s a bunk bed in there; and once I took over kimberlee’s room, what would happen to the bed that’s already in there? it is a dilemma, you see.

but it’s not a bad dilemma, because it means I’m moving!!

somber and elated

ok, I’m not really both at once. here are the reasons why I ought to be somber, and why I’m too elated to do so.

today at work mick sr held a council with all employees letting us know the current state of the company: not good. everyone was given the option of either moving to part time (20 hrs/week), or voluntarily leaving as part of a forced reduction. the second option would come with a week’s severance pay and eligibility for re-hire. of course, there will also be some mandatory layoffs, because we can’t keep everyone. luckily I get to be part of the “core group” consisting of administrative positions that will stay full-time. the risky part is that we can only guarantee full-time, or even part-time, work for the next 30 days. after that mick will reevaluate, and if things aren’t looking any better — well, it’s been fun.

but it isn’t really worrying me. I feel so absolutely ecstatic about going back to utah. I’m so super happy, like I haven’t been in a while. I mean I’ve been happy and all, but this is extra. lots more. isn’t it interesting that I made this decision right now, without knowing quite how much trouble mha is in? good timing. not on my part, but good timing nonetheless.

I sent out an email to everyone-ish letting them know I’ll be moving back, and asking for help finding housing. oh yeah, and I told seestur this morning. nemelka, q, and kamikaze all wrote back, sounding just as excited as I am. q actually called to chat for a while, and said he’ll keep an eye open for spots in the apartments near him. kamikaze was the first to reply, and said since she’s taken over the solarwind house I’m welcome to live there if I want. I’d be sharing a room with her the first semester, and then moving into seestur’s room after the wedding.

hm…it’s quite an idea. kamikaze says her friend who’ll be in the third room is also an english major, huzzah! I do love that house. my doubts come mainly because what if it’s too fun? am I really committed to this independent study thing, and will I be able to get work done? the tv was always on over there when nategust and nickelcade lived there. and we all know how I feel about tv. movies I don’t mind. maybe since seestur is engaged she watches less tv? more time with q? maybe? anyway. after I thought about it a while it seemed kind of silly to move back to utah for mainly social reasons and then try avoiding being social. yeah.

so there’s my elation. ryan has his 2 finals tomorrow, everyone cross your fingers that they’ll go well!

twelve pound yesterday

I’m delighted to report that ryan got his package (which, due to my forgetfulness, was only 11 lbs) and enjoyed it thoroughly. or hated it, but lied and said he enjoyed it thoroughly, which works just as well for me. almost.

haven’t slept well lately. I stayed up last night until about 12:30, because I took a nap from 3-8:30, and then (of course) couldn’t get to sleep at bedtime. ish. bedtime-ish. I woke up about every hour, with unpleasant dreams in between. not fun. the worst dream was this morning about 5:20, when I ought to have been already up and getting ready for work, but I don’t remember my alarm going off at all. it probably did though. anyway, it was almost a nightmare, and I thought of calling ryan to make me feel better. but that seemed rude, it being so insanely early in the morning.

I’m trying very hard not to fall asleep right now. if I take a nap, I’ll have the same dilemma as yesterday. I’d rather just get a good night’s rest tonight.

it looks like quite a few people will be let go at work. mick wants to completely change directions for the company; finish up the few projects we have now, and then start moving towards…something else. no one has really told me. lauren and mick jr have been trying to plan things out for the next few weeks, and I luckily know I’ll be staying. the work won’t be fun–they’re going to make me prep pec again, dangit–but at least I’m keeping my job.

did you know it’s really ineffective to try convincing God that what it seems like He’s telling you to do is really not all that logical? I attempted it the other night when I was praying about what to do this coming fall semester. “now look,” I said, “it just doesn’t make any sense to go back to utah. it isn’t reasonable.” after about three minutes I finally gave up, gave in. I knew what I needed to do; hey, it’s even what I want to do, but it seemed so irrational. in fact it still seems kind of irrational, but now I have divine backup, right?

so there’s my news: mika will be returning to utah at the end of august. indefinitely.

it’s an interesting story. when I was talking to ryan monday night I said, “have you ever wanted to do something that really didn’t make any sense if you thought about it logically?” he replied, “of course. lots of times.” until I asked that question it hadn’t occurred to me that I really wanted to go back to utah, that I was ready to go back. but I continued, “I think I want to come back to provo. but it’s so unreasonable.” ryan did a very good job of pointing out all the logical fallacies I was using as my arguments, most of which were based on the assumption that money is the only deciding factor in what one should do with one’s life at a given point in time. by the time we were done talking I was fairly convinced that I wanted to go back to utah more than anything else right now — however…it still didn’t make sense to do it. so I prayed about it, and regardless of the fact that I claimed it didn’t make sense, it seemed like the only thing to do.

yesterday I went in and had a talk with mick sr and told him I was tentatively considering moving back to utah at the end of summer. why did I phrase it like that? even when I talked to my dad about it I said, “I think I’d like to go back to utah.” but the truth is, I’m going. I know I’m going, and no one can change my mind about it. it’s a fact, not a possibility. I guess I didn’t want to seem like I had made a giant decision without consulting anyone (again) or thinking about it very much (read: new car).

and you know what? I’m so excited! I can’t wait. it probably helped my decision along a lot when I found out that ryan will be back at byu this next year. good times, very good times. I plan to keep this as a surprise for kimberlee.

well, what else would it be? if I talk to her about it she’ll try getting me to live with her, or be in her ward, or we’ll plan all sorts of things to do together…when I’d rather just keep life a little more casual than that. than her energy level, I mean. I’m not going to be her roommate again, not even for this one semester. which means I’ve got to find somewhere else to live. wrote jennifer an email asking what her plans are, and am trying to get ahold of aubrey.

no further updates at the moment…