pseudo-dtr

jarom came over this evening. we played a crayola-fied version of the question game. it was good times. then we got frostys, talked some more, and he asked if we could head out. about halfway down n texas he said, “take me home an exciting way.” so we drove around for a bit, and finally he said, “I was wondering…what you think/want of me.”

my reply: “jarom, I think you’re amazing. you can argue all you want against it, but you are. I admire you as a person. you always seem to be doing what you know is right, and you’re constantly trying to be better, and you encourage me to be better. to push myself and become more — to be better. I guess what I want of you…well, for now, just to know what you think of me.”

him: “I think you’re amazing. and I missed you a lot.”

so we talked more about our past, and I said I think we’ve grown up enough that we could be the best friends we’ve always had the potential to be. maybe indefinitely best friends, and that’s what I want to see about. he mentioned that senior year, when we sort of had a dating-ish-relationship thing, he liked it, but didn’t feel quite ready for it. and now…he doesn’t feel that hinderance anymore. I asked what he thinks we should do; he said he didn’t know. we were about to his house then so the conversation kind of ended. walked him to his door and got another good hug.

that’s about it. lots of discussion; no direction from here, exactly, although he did say in reply to my question of what he wanted of me, “what I don’t want is drifting apart. so what I do want is togetherness.”

no work tomorrow, mostly! I’ll go in for about an hour. bedtime now.

sweet dreams,
mika.

I wish your happy days..

yeah, Korean stationery still makes no sense.

that’s right, boys and girls, my letter came! I had a feeling it would today. can’t say that it was a really wonderful letter, but hey, at least I’ve heard from him now. he did say he hopes I get better (haven’t ever detailed why I came home from byu) or at least stay alive long enough for him to see me again before I die. touching huh?

I already told jarom I’d only send one more letter after the last one, since it’s the end of his mission. that whole distraction thing, thought I’d try less of it. so here’s the final mika to elder hillery letter (oh yeah, we’ve been trying to outdo each other in terms of strange paper):

“dear elder,

fine, I concede; you stole the show with the pink flying sheep. although a hamburger with a face is almost as bizarre, right?

thanks for answering all my questions. I actually don’t have any more at the moment. I’m very pleased that you’ll be able to meet your goal of reaching the highest level of proficiency in korean. it sounds like it has enabled you to get a lot more depth in your cultural experiences.

the operation was a success! mika is now 100% brain tumor free.

alright, alright, there was no operation, and I was already brain tumor free. but I did discover the cause of the mysterious illness, and it is fixable. I got a prescription filled today (that means legal drugs) and I even get to start physical therapy. so, assuming I’m not beaten to death by an old enemy, or killed in a car accident, I should be alive still when you come home.

yesterday I went to the singles ward and the first person I saw when I walked in was…elizabeth felix! she’s just as awesome as ever, and happy to hear that you’re doing well (or at least, doing well according to me).

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your letters, both email and paper, and your missionary experiences have been a pleasure to hear about. keep working hard! these last weeks will probaby be the most rewarding of your mission if you put forth the effort to make them so. I’ll break from my attempts to keep you focused — just ever-so-briefly — and say that I’m rather excited (although somewhat nervous) to see you soon. but until then, BE AN AWESOME MISSIONARY!

mika

p.s. you can have birthday cupcakes eventually, I promise. they’re delayed this year. : ) “

time for a rock to fall on my head

which, being translated, means I’m feeling optimistic today. especially about jarom. suddenly it seems like exactly what I’ve been wishing for — someone to talk to, get to know, play the question game and be friends with. it just so happens that we’ve already done those things, a long time ago. and we have a long history together. but it’ll be good to start over, in a way. I remember we tried starting over a couple times before. twice, I suppose. once was senior year while I was dating (and after I broke up with) david, and that worked spectacularly. the second time was after ryan and I broke up — what has it been, a little over two years? yeah, duh…a few months before jarom left on his mission. hello. anyway, that time failed miserably because we weren’t both trying to make it work; there were half-hearted attempts, but they never coincided. when he wanted to be friends I wanted him to leave me alone, and vice versa.

this time, though…this time should work. jarom wouldn’t waste time and paper and postage on me if he didn’t at least want to be friends. more evidence, you say? here, try this on for size:

“…the Lord has put much effort into our relationship. when I have cast it aside, He has reprimanded me. when I embrace it, He has blessed me with wisdom. God does everything with a very specific purpos and has preserved my life, and our friendship.”

citing divine guidance in our relationship seems like a pretty clear statement that he thinks it’s important. awesome. I’m not even gonna touch the “eternal union” part of that particular letter; for now just let me say that things are looking up. mika gets a friend!

also a note about not getting a letter: turns out I mailed my letter the first weekend in march. so it’s been a month and a half without hearing back, and I’ve gone longer than that before. besides, it’s at the end of his mission, and I really will be ok if I don’t hear from him at all until he’s home. no, wait…not true. I’ll be rather concerned that I said something completely out of line that freaked him out, and think he now wants no contact with me at all, and then I’ll be super nervous (again) about him coming back. I think it would be better if I got at least a short note from him. that seems much healthier for my sanity.

I realized that I should probably

…um…I spent half an hour on the phone with kimberlee and now I have no idea what “I should probably” was leading to. that sucks. hm.