Too bad June is definitely no longer potty trained, Evan is back to his belligerent attitude with the added bonus of violence (tonight he gave June a nosebleed by swinging a book at her face), and we have too much stuff, making our house a mess in every sense. I’m a mess, too. It’s extra hard to deal with little kids when I just want to continue a cycle of cry-sleep-cry. Send help before we finish our descent into total chaos!
I know there are a lot of new people reading the blog, so I thought I’d give you a chance to ask any questions you have about Christian or the delivery or how we made arrangements – anything you might be wondering about, including how I’m coping (or not coping). Even if you’re a total stranger, go ahead. Any question is fair game as long as it’s respectful (so nothing like “How dare you [fill in the blank]?”), and I’ll reply to your questions in the comments. I may also do a separate post with the questions and answers, if I feel like it.
I’m happy to say that the past few days have been incomparably better than Friday was. I expected Mother’s Day to be hard, and it was sad to have that particular reminder of my lost child, but we took flowers to Christian’s grave and I didn’t struggle with emotion while we were there. I was glad to be able to visit (it was my first time back since the burial), and I felt comforted knowing we can go back often. I also started keeping a journal of letters to Christian, which I think will be helpful for me to express my thoughts and feelings a little more intimately than I do here.
We were also able to pick up the pictures from Christian’s birth. Just days ago I think they would have been too hard for me to look at, but because of how much better I’ve felt, I really enjoyed getting them. These were taken by Heather Ellis, who worked with us as part of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.