Questions

I know there are a lot of new people reading the blog, so I thought I’d give you a chance to ask any questions you have about Christian or the delivery or how we made arrangements – anything you might be wondering about, including how I’m coping (or not coping). Even if you’re a total stranger, go ahead. Any question is fair game as long as it’s respectful (so nothing like “How dare you [fill in the blank]?”), and I’ll reply to your questions in the comments. I may also do a separate post with the questions and answers, if I feel like it.

Ready? Go!

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13 Comments on “Questions”

  1. Terra Gailfus says:

    Did your kids get to meet him?

    • Mika says:

      No, we decided not to have Evan and June there. It was already going to be such a stressful day, we didn’t know how long labor would take, we didn’t know if Christian would be born alive or if I’d need a C-section or what would happen. Also, June? She’s wild. I wanted to be able to focus on what little time I might have with Christian and not divide my attention. Evan has been a little bit sad he didn’t meet Christian, but we’ve looked at pictures and gone through the memento box together, and I think he’ll be okay. June doesn’t really care one way or the other, as long as she has a cup of pink milk.

  2. Alex Hulme says:

    were the pictures you took (which are so sweet) done before or after he passed? had the photographer had experience with this kind of situation? how ARE you doin, sweetness?

    • Mika says:

      Most of those pictures are from while Christian was alive. We held him the entire time (there are also pictures of all of his grandparents holding him), so the only one I posted from after he died is the last one (in which he looks like a doll). The photographer was assigned to us by the organization Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, which is specifically for stillborns and infant deaths. They’re volunteer professional photographers and provide their services for free.

      I’m doing really well today. My brother and sister-in-law are in the hospital today delivering their baby boy, and it’s hard to think about them getting to take their baby home while I didn’t. But for the most part, I feel like life will still be good even though I have (hopefully) many long years before I’ll see Christian again.

  3. Carole Lewis says:

    I love that last sentence, Mika! Well said!

  4. Steady says:

    I sent someone here yesterday whose step daughter just found out that he baby’s kidneys are covered in cysts. She read through it and said it was very helpful.

    • Mika says:

      I’m glad it was helpful. Feel free to put her in touch with me directly if she needs to talk.

      • Marina Hall says:

        Dear Mika, my stepdaughter just found out last Friday. She is 22 weeks. She met with an OB today that will help her. I haven’t shared your story with her yet. They’re thinking that they will do the induction in two weeks. They haven’t figured out the rest of it yet. So far still a heart beat, but it’s quite clear what the inevitable outcome is. She also had the deficit of amniotic fluid. I’m so glad she and her husband have a two-year-old wonderful daughter for some distraction from all this, although I could tell from your story that this isn’t always helpful. I haven’t seen her yet since she got the news; I hope to tomorrow. If she seems like she might be receptive, I will put her in touch with you. She and her husband are trying to decide between burial and cremation right now. Mostly she is crying. Thank you again for your tremendous generousity in sharing your difficult story. It has helped me, for one. Do take good care, Marina

  5. Chandel says:

    Do you guys need any help? I know you needed someone to come babysit last weekend (Rebecca called me) but I had to work that day. Let me know if you need anything!

    • Mika says:

      We would always love a chance to get out of the house without the kids; aside from that, freezer meals are great, as are little notes to let us know we’re not forgotten. Personally, I like it when people ask me about Christian by name – it seems to be something people avoid, maybe because they’re afraid of upsetting me. I’d much rather talk about Christian than pretend he never happened.

  6. Mette Cowley says:

    You don’t know me. I am Alitha’s little sister. I got turned on your blog from her and it makes me Thankful everyday. I have had the feeling I needed to say this for awhile (the good lord pushes me sometimes and I try to listen) I think you are the Bravest person I know. I don’t have any kids yet and I don’t think I could handle it at all if I ever lost one if I do ever get any. In that regard the part I feel I need to tell you is the sure knowledge I have that the lord watches over all of us and especially the little ones. Christian is a perfect spirit who did not need the trials of this life. All he needed was the precious body you gave him. I don’t know how you do it and I can’t imagine what you are going through But I just felt that I needed to hear (read) this even if it only makes you mad that I dare to even think such a thing. Christian is waiting in God’s arms and preparing to see you guys again one day. It is ok to miss him and be mad, sad, lonely and so much more.
    Thanks for reading. And Thank you for posting. I am not where I can help physically (as I am in Korea with my husband) But if you need anything I that I can help with let me know. Alitha is a great way to contact me.
    Mette

    • Mika says:

      Thank you, Mette. I certainly don’t feel brave! But I’m glad to be able to share the experience and have so many people praying for me and thinking of me.

  7. Sarah Gibbs says:

    Hi I’m Sarah Gibbs, my husband Owen and your husband know each other from their missions/ MTC experience. President Ringwood pointed us to your blog as we are going through a very similar situation. I have sat here this morning reading through your blog, with my box of tissues. Thank you so much for sharing. Despite my tears I’m grateful to have read through your experience. We are having a girl and like you discovered things weren’t right at our 20 week scan. You first few blogs were like deja vu for me. Our little girl Cora has triploidy, we also know she won’t survive but we are now 25 weeks along. Your description of the ball at the end of the string is exactly how Owen and I feel. Right now we can talk about it, as I guess in some respects it doesn’t feel completely real. Everyone I think wonders why we seem to have it so ‘together’.
    Thank goodness we have the gospel. Our bishop came and gave us each a blessing after we got the news and since then we have felt at peace. It is still hard, but it has certainly helped. We have a little boy Kynan, 21 months old, who keeps a smile on my face.
    Anyway thanks again for your thoughts!


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