Day 2

I hope no one is offended if I haven’t gotten in touch directly with an update. Writing is a lot easier for me, and a blog post is a lot faster than many phone calls and texts.

Jarom had meetings this morning, so I went to see the perinatologist alone. The sonographer was really nice and tried to ease my worries when I first went in. She said there’s no specific fluid level they need at this point and a “low fluid level” diagnosis is fairly subjective. I appreciated that she explained everything she was looking at and made it easy for me to see what she was doing. As time went on, though, she said less and less. Eventually she said she wanted the specialist to come in and take a look because she had some concerns.

The specialist introduced himself and then was silent for the next 15 minutes as he looked very, very hard for any indication that the baby’s kidneys were working. After that long, though, I was pretty sure that no good news was coming. I lost it when he told me that the baby’s kidneys hadn’t developed, and that as a result, several problems ensued, primarily the lungs failing to develop.

There is nothing that we can do. Without functioning kidneys and lungs, the baby won’t survive.

As you can imagine, it’s heartbreaking news to hear. We’ve been given several options but aren’t sure yet what we want to do next. Right now, we’re trying to love our family more and more.

Please ask any questions you have. Writing and talking about this is really helpful for me, so don’t feel like you need to avoid the topic.

I can safely say, thus far in my life, this is the worst day I’ve ever had. What’s especially awful is knowing that a worse day will come soon.

:(

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9 Comments on “Day 2”

  1. Louise Zabriskie says:

    My heart breaks with you and your family. May the Lord bless you with comfort and courage at this very, very difficult time.
    Hugs and prayers,
    Aunt Louise

  2. Brittney says:

    You are so strong! My thoughts and prayers go out to your beautiful family. May this difficult time be eased with the Lords love. I’m so very sorry for this heart breaking news.
    All my love,
    Brittney

  3. Steady says:

    Lots of love from all of us! Let us know what we can do to help. We can watch kids or just visit and talk.
    Stephanie

  4. Tiffany says:

    I can’t express the heartache I feel for you and your family right now. I’m praying for you and send all my love!
    Tiffany

  5. Kayleen says:

    MIKA!!! I HATE this for you guys!!! When I was 18(ish) My sister-in-law found out at her 20 week ultrasound that her baby didn’t have a brain. It had all the other working organs, though. The Dr told her that had it at least had a brain stem (which it lacked) she could carry the baby to term and donate its organs to other tiny babies in need. She had to have the pregnancy terminated shortly thereafter. I was so devastated for her then. I can’t help but think about her right before each 20 week ultrasound. My heart dropped when I read your news, just thinking about that being a possibility for us at various times as well. How awful. I hope your soul finds peace and your kids give you extra sticky kisses all week! Sending love to you and yours.

  6. Bridget says:

    Mika!
    I am so sorry and completely heartbroken as I read this. :( I am praying for you and all of your family. Please let me know what I can do to help.

  7. Jessica says:

    Dearest Mika,

    I’m so so so sorry about Tiny Baby. You and your adorable family are in my thoughts!

    Love, Jessica

  8. Marylen Nobile says:

    Mika and Jarom,

    I am so very sorry to hear about your sad news. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I am one of the few people that know what you are going through. Losing a child, no matter how short a time you have them, is not easy. Neither is knowing that it’s coming. My heart goes out to you.

    Marylen


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