the rain rain rain came down down down

it feels like time for a rainy day movie. but, alas, I have no time for one, nobody to cuddle up with while I watch one, and no interest in staying awake for a whole one. it’s all just too bad.

tonight we went over to alex’s and watched cheaper by the dozen. it was an interesting mix of people there. they wanted to play a game after the movie, but I just didn’t have the energy. it sounded like unfun. here at home I can smell the posole cooking, and I know there’s herb cheese in the fridge. I want it very badly. come to think of it, I never ate dinner. just dave’s for lunch, and I wasn’t so enthusiastic about that. cow doesn’t taste as good as it used to. it makes me sad that I don’t like red meat so much anymore.

tomorrow: party with the folks from 12:30-3:30, and the hillery’s thing in the evening. in the morning I’ll work on my dress. must finish…


reading list 2005

New books: 57 ( 12,843 pgs )

Longest book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (652 pgs)
Shortest book: The Hoboken Chicken Emergency (83 pgs)
Oldest book: Hamlet (1601)
Newest book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 2005)
Best book: The Picture of Dorian Gray
Best children’s/YA book: The Wouldbegoods
Worst book: Through the Ice
Most disappointing book: The Dogs of Babel

Cathy Day, The Circus in Winter
Wendelin Van Draanen, Sammy Keyes and the Hotel Thief
Polly Horvath, Everything on a Waffle
Piers Anthony with Robert Kornwise, Through the Ice
Pat O’shea, The Hounds of the Morrigan
Alexander Mccall Smith, The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency
C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
E. Nesbit, The Wouldbegoods
Kate Dicamillo, The Tale of Desperaux
Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie
Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, The Great Chicken Debacle
Carl Hiaasen, Hoot
Roald Dahl, Matilda
Michael A. Stackpole, The Grand Crusade
Patricia C. Wrede, Dealing with Dragons
Diane Wynne Jones, Cart and Cwidder
Louis L’amour, Milo Talon
Wendelin Van Draanen, Sammy Keyes and the Curse of Moustache Mary
Sharon Creech, Ruby Holler
Ema Mclaughlin & Nicola Kraus, The Nanny Diaries: A Novel
Jerry Spinelli, Wringer
Steven Pinker, The Language Instinct: How the Mind Creates Language
Jerry Spinelli, Loser
Kevin Henkes, Olive’s Ocean
C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
P.G. Wodehouse, Three Men and A Maid
Louis Sachar, The Boy Who Lost His Face
Wendelin Van Draanen, Sammy Keyes and the Hollywood Mummy
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
E. Nesbit, Five Children and It
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Blue Balliett, Chasing Vermeer
Louise Rennison, Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging
Gennifer Choldenko, Al Capone Does My Shirts
Megan Mcdonald, Judy Moody
Lois Lowry, Gathering Blue
Jeanne Duprau, The City of Ember
Cynthia Kadohata, Kira-Kira
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Dodi Smith, I Capture the Castle
Carlo Collodi, Pinnochio
Mark Haddon, The curious incident of the dog in the night-time
Shannon Hale, The Goose Girl
Carolyn Parkhurst, The Dogs of Babel
Munro Leaf, The Story of Ferdinand
Judith Viorst, The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
Chris Van Allsburg, The Wreck of the Zephyr
Brock Cole, Fair Monaco
Daniel Pinkwater, The Hoboken Chicken Emergency
Sharon Creech, Love That Dog
Jon J Muth, Zen Shorts
Peter H. Reynolds, The Dot
Esphyr Slobodinka, Caps For Sale
Chris Van Allsburg, The Mysteries of Harris Burdick
Ruth Stiles Gannett, My Father’s Dragon
Russell Hoban, A Birthday for Frances

Previous: 2004

aeden (3), david (1), and amberly (4) playing the piano on christmas eve. Posted by Picasa


A clandestine meeting for pizza?? -Jarom

A different type of woohoo-have-fun. -Jarom

A lot of people die. -Nathaniel

A ninja’s heart is an ocean of secrets; be careful. -Stephanie

A photogenic memory -Pieter

A pirate jig; what I wouldn’t give to see that. -Nathaniel

A real fake leg. -Ammon

Absolute hoo-rah-ness! -Nemelka

Alex is Switzerland. –Skeet

Alicia likes carrots, Megan likes trail mix, and Tiffany will be curious and try the Japanese rice crackers! -Ann

Am I the world’s best teacher? No, this is just my least disadvantaged skill. -Prof. Wimmer

An army of small cars going back and forth between Salt Lake and Provo…what’s the problem? -Mom

Anarchy, that’s like the name of a sea or something. -anonymous

And one time on the AcaDeca retreat, someone asked me to “stoke it,” so I had no other choice but to “stoke it.” So I stoked it like I never stoked before. -Jeff

And the cold water stimulates your hyper cells… -Jarom

And you wonder that I have ANY dates! -Nemelka

Anytime you say “totally” you’re lying. -Ryan

Are they going with us at one…in…the…after…noon…? -Jarom

Be still, my beating spleen. -Nemelka

Because, like, sevens, ones, nines, they all look the same. -David

Belly buttons are very interesting. -Nemelka

Blindly trusting David, that was my first mistake. -Mika

Blue! The trees are dying. -Shalene

But finally, I’m not stupid anymore! -Jon Lim

But he would kill you in a good way. -Nemelka

But poles spice up my day! -Nathaniel

But then he e-mailed me. -Mika

But why buy it when you can steal it?! -Marylen

But, if stupid things ever become important, you’ll be a step ahead of the pack. -Dad

Buy textbooks and live the gospel. -heard in church

Can I tell you, that was really random? I’m reading about glaciers. -Mika

‘Cause we believe in recycling! [sounding smug] -Nemelka

Children…killing…children… -Rhea

Chris will design weapons of mass destruction – in an artistic way. -Andrew

Communal grooming should be more friendly. -Nathaniel

Communication is far overrated. -Crystal

Curse their black hearts! -Nathaniel

Depraved indifference to human life. -Jarom

Despite it being an annoyance, it really makes me feel special. -Mika

Did someone else die? -Shalene

Did you actually just say something to me? -Dad

Did you know it’s possible to peel off a peel in one peel? -Marylen

Did you lose any points for the ambulance incident? -Mika

Didn’t the Italians make violins or something? -Skeet

Do I look like I care right now? -Mr. Mitchell

Do I must? -Ammon

Do you know how hard it is to take a shower when you have the hiccups? -Crystal

Do you think I’m going to be able to concentrate with muffins going on down there?! -Kimberlee

Does JEFF know you’re a part of the Purple Party?! -Jarom

Does that look like a bear? Does that look like a bear?? No!! It’s a wolverine!!!! -Skeet

Doesn’t make him any less of an old man. For example, one pygmy could say to another pygmy, “Hey, squirt!” -Dad

Don’t cheat on a 110 exam, that’s selling yourself way too short. At least go rob a bank or something. -Prof. Grandy

Don’t focus on the fact that you’re not telling the truth. -Mme Williams

Don’t honk at missionaries. They might fall over! -heard in church

Duct tape is the equivalent of being tarred-and-feathered these days. -Nemelka

Dude, though, have you seen the professionals? They don’t look like mimes, they look like strippers. -anonymous

Ears are like buffalo wings! -Kendy

Eee! She hidden! -Nemelka

Every day with me is a romantic adventure. -Julia

Every Friday, people die. -Kendy

Every time I see one of these, I understand so much more about my life! -Jared

Every time someone said my name, it would be like throwing daggers through my heart. -Mika (in reply to the question of calling me Meighck)

Every time you brake, an angel cries! -Nathaniel

Excuse me, sir, where did you get that popsicle? -anonymous

For once, you guys are the weird ones. -Va Yee

For some reason, the fur on all my stuffed animals makes them look like they’re angry at me. -Andrew

Fun-my-fun!!!!! -Goze

Goodnight, unworthy carcass! -Kimberlee

Goze, is there a reason you’re here? -Skeet

Greedy, comparative brats! -Scott

Has anyone ever told you you look like a cat? -Ryan

Have you ever felt symbolic? Neither have I. -Nemelka

Have you ever massaged the head of a broccoli? -Skeet

Have you ever noticed how even though we’re only an hour apart, it’s always so much earlier there? -Nemelka

Have you ever seen a pregnant pig? -Skeet

Have you ever used floss for a belt? -Nemelka

He doesn’t act like he cares about trying to be nice to people. -Nemelka

He doesn’t have much teeth. -Mika

He flirted with me a lot. It was fun! -anonymous

He gives me $100 every birthday and $100 every September. No, that’s my birthday… -Alex

He’s a quasi-clever mastermind, but he also dances! -Nathaniel

He’s an overly-animated person, you could totally picture him in a cartoon! -anonymous

He’s as taller as I am… -Nemelka

He’s dying of a slow death. -anonymous

He’s like a reptilian ferret. -Nathaniel

He’s not imperial! Heck, he’s not even Chinese! -Andrew

He’s such a cute little anteater sheepdog! -Katrina

Hey! A vacuum! -Nemelka

Hey, guys? I decided that I’m officially awesome. -Mika

Hey, I just punched my face! -John

Hey, I want CPR! -Va Yee

Hold on, I need drugs so I can come up with good ideas. -Mom

Holy fluff. -Nemelka

Honey, we are not buying a hatbox for your stupid Nascar hats! -anonymous

Hot, with a K! -Alex

How to kill Mika: build a wall. -Crystal

Hugs are like jigsaw puzzles. -Jaime

Huh! It is a grabbable shirt! -Elle

I always knew I’d become a genius…I never knew it would be on account of cups! -Nemelka

I am a full-time worker in the seventh circle of hell (i.e. retail employment). -anonymous

I am going to get rid of my fridge, all of our cars, and anything else that is dangerous. -Tisha

I burp in the weirdest ways. -Kimberlee

I can facilitate that. -Nemelka

I can see the thoughts trying to connect in your head. -Ann

I can’t feel my thumbs. -Shalene

I could bring…what do you call them…muffins! -Rhea

I could give you a box! -Nemelka

I decided that I’m a mix between my mom and my dad. -Nemelka

I didn’t even know she was stalking me until after we were married. -anonymous

I didn’t have that many friends in high school, so they couldn’t die. -Angela

I don’t have a train of thought, I just have a bunch of cabooses. -Nicole

I don’t understand how this works. It says you’re supposed to push the button. -Nicole

I don’t know if that was my bangs or a bug. -Kendy

I don’t like January. Hence the cowboy hat. -Mika

I don’t mind being manipulated if it’s done well. –Bro. Taggart

I don’t think he has any more points to minus. -Kendy

I don’t think that’s quite what she said. [pause] …No, that wasn’t it. No. But close. -Mika

I don’t want to be a Barbie. I’d rather be a Cabbage Patch. -Katie

I don’t w
ant to carry around ten pounds of Sacagawea in my pocket. -anonymous

I feel bad for anyone who tries to psychoanalyze us. -Mika

I feel stupid when I talk to someone and it’s not really them. -Mika

I feel this exchange of knowledge was strangely gratifying. -Nathaniel

I felt like an iguana. -Mika

I flossed my cat. -anonymous

I had a debate with myself, and obviously I won. -Dad

I hate being killed. -Mika

I have a great memory, it just doesn’t last long. -Bro. Nelson

I have a simple mind! -John

I have academic pursuits to pursue… -Skeet

“I have dreamed a dream.” …no kidding, what else are you going to do with a dream? -Prof. Swift

I have no brains! -Kimberlee

I have to make sure that everyone hears everything I say. -Nemelka

I have to say that the scores in this class were a little low. That tells me something…man, you guys are dumb! -Prof. Swift

I just feel like a loser. A hungry loser, at that. -Mika

I just like…inhaled the moisture from my gum! -Alicia

I just lost to myself in tic-tac-toe. I feel kinda stupid. -Chris

I just met your ex-fiancée’s fiancé. -anonymous

I knew it! I knew you were sleeping with that monkey! -Jarom

I know you get to vote and all, but…don’t take our suits. -Alex

I like being in the air. It’s just the falling to the ground part that sucks. -Mark

I like bread!! -Goze

I like gum. Some kinds of gum. Actually I don’t really like gum that much. -Nemelka

I like Shakespeare. He makes me giddy. -Nemelka

I like swords as much as you do, but I’d take a nap before I’d take a sword. -Stephanie

I like the monkeys with their furry little butts! -Katrina

I like them ’cause they’re mimes, and mime is like a bird. -Katrina

I like to IM people and tell them, “You are an APPLE.” -Andrew

I like to shatter boys’ dreams. -Kimberlee

I love BYU. I don’t even need my pornography anymore. -anonymous

I love kindred spirits. Let’s burn ’em. -Shalene

I love me too. -Mika

I made an analogy today. It wasn’t even out loud and it was horrible. -Mika

I mean, who has time for father-daughter conversations when there’s pie? -anonymous

I need a girlfriend. I love lovin’ people, I love getting lovin’. -anonymous

I never repent so fast! -heard in church

I only make out with cool nerds. -Julia

I really love reading…used to. -Rhea

I said, like, eight things today! -Mika

I see a lot of weird thing in Utah. -Ammon

I smell fat. -John

I started out playing chess, and moved on to more evil games. -Brian

I think about big, fat roses. -Jeff

I think I just thought of something. -Mika

I think I’d die of boredom if I was ever in a coma. -Mika

I think I’ll shy away from the “whole wheat snickerdoodles + Moxie = ?” equation. -Mika

I think it’s kind of cool that your mind can surprise you. -Mika

I think Mika could make a living out of being pathetic. -Mom

I think my back teeth are too sharp. I keep biting my cheeks. It hurts. -Nemelka

I think the card and the e-mail are slightly more patient than me. -Mika

I think they should do random drug tests. Oh, wait, maybe they shouldn’t… -Alicia

I think they were invented by guys who wanted to have an excuse to have girls falling all over them. -Mika

I think we’re learning. I hope. -Prof. Swift

I think you have a fetish with smelling things. -Shalene

I think you overrate your legs. -Dad

I totally missed my face on that one. -John

I tried reading Anne of Green Gables once. And then my soda blew up on it. I figured it was a sign. -Katie

I used to think you were gentle! -Nemelka

I vote that you’re a sick little politician! -Chris

I wanna do my chemistry, but I don’t wanna go to hell… -Brother Minert

I was in third grade the first time someone non-familial bit me. I bit them back. -Emily

I was like Dorothy of Oz—I had mine all along. I just didn’t know it. -heard in church (about having a testimony)

I was really bored, so I made up a song. It only has one line. -Nemelka

I was trying to think, that’s what the problem was. -Mom

I wasn’t actually trying to manipulate you, but it worked really well. -Mom

I went fwah! and fwah! and I fell down a lot. -Katie

I went on a top-secret mission to kill Sadaam Hussein, but I missed and so they sent me back to school. -Kellin

I wish I had no hair and my body was, like, fluff! -Katrina

I wonder if eating paper will make me feel better. It always used to when I was little. -Nemelka

I won’t kill you for anything, but I can guarantee some violence if you shave your head. -Mika

I would hate to be tied up with dental floss. Unless it was minty fresh! -Victoria

I’ve seen a movie with water stuff like that before! -Nicole

Ice cream is like the drug of Utah. -Jarom

I’d be kind of scared. People die in those. -Nemelka

I’d miss her, even if she was a tyrant! -Nemelka

I’d offer you a place to live if I lived somewhere. -Nemelka

I’d rather be embarrassed than be blown up. -Elle

I’d rather be pierced to the heart with the scriptures than with a spear. -Elle

If all else fails, you’re screwed. -Ryan Watkins

If I had a million dollars, I’d be a kamikaze driver. -Julia

If I were gonna be helpful, I’d be someone else. -Mom

If I were to make a monster, I think I’d do it with flan. It seems like a good, blobby material. -Nathaniel

If it’s small and annoying, smash it with a stick. -David

If Kimberlee ever goes to hell, it will be a room full of food she hates! -Julia

If misery were sort of a thick pink color, wallowing in it might be kind of fun. -Mom

If Ryan’s mouth is moving, or his fingers are moving, he’s lying. -Stephanie

If you bite wrong, you get the whole thing! -Nicole

If you die, can I have your stuff? And sell it on e-Bay? To buy cookies? And Dilbert cartoons? -Andrew

If you die, I’m gonna bring a Get Well balloon to your funeral. -anonymous

If you think that the Lord will preserve you until you finish, you’re wrong. You just die off. -Prof. Skousen

If you think you’re going to look back on today and laugh, why not start laughing now? -heard in church

If you were poor, and you didn’t have a goose, you could use a chicken. -Mika

If you’re in a coma, you’re a vegetable. So instead of dying of boredom, you could join VeggieTales—”The alternative to dying.” -Stephanie

If you’re unsure if you have missionaries in your home… -heard in church

Ignorance is not an excuse for stupidity. -Jarom

I’m a laissez-faire kinda guy. -anonymous

I’m a tadpole! -Mika

I’m evil! You missed. -Nemelka

I’m glad I grew up on East Tennessee Street, because now I know how to spell Tennessee. -Mika

I’m glad you can comfortably picture me as a zombie. -Nathaniel

I’m just all-around adorable. -Mika

I’m just being negative and contradictory. Please excuse me. -Angela

I’m not a baby! I’m not a baby! ‘Cause babies are naked! -heard in church

I’m not a loser because I like clean feet! -Katie

I’m not heartless, I’m just…good! -Kimberlee

I’m so glad my social life is your entertainment. -anonymous

I’m so happy! I have an apple! -Elle

I’m sure that some of life’s most interesting things happen when you’re supposed to be doing something else. –

In a dream world, Christopher Plummer is Mormon. -Julia

Is it boring, or is it just something you don’t find interesting? -Aunt Carole

Is that an olive branch? -anonymous

Is that the same Bernoulli? -Mika

Is the door moving, or am I? -Mika

It always seems to look so much better outside of the death and danger. -Nathaniel

It contradicts everything jeans have ever stood for. -Nathaniel

It made me make a noise. -Mika

It sounds like they’re slaying a brontosaurus. -Jarom

It sucks to be struck by electricity. I know. It happened when I was cleaning out my Playstation 2. I forgot to turn the power off. -Mark

It was like you bit into a poisonous ice cube. -Chris

It’s all taped together, and held together with…tape. -Aunt Carole

It’s a jelly donut, not a cigarette. -Mika

It’s a sign of protest. -Allison

It’s always nice when these weird sounds are real. -Mika

It’s called spit. -Nemelka

It’s comfortable and good, but weird and gross. -Nathaniel

It’s from Orem. It has to be true. -Mika

It’s funny first, and then it’s confusing. -Mika

It’s good people aren’t cats. -Mika

It’s great, ’cause she can be an ideal hag. -Nathaniel

It’s hard to change the way they look without making it pretty obvious that they’re dumb. -Mika

It’s hard to turn down flirting though, it’s so flattering. -Ryan

It’s like a big stripy-thing in the sky! -Margaret

It’s like a Furby on steroids! -Jeff Jeff Jeffrey

It’s like a giant bathtub. Only not. And there’s no soap. -Kristina

It’s like an elephant-shark-zebra-cobra thing. -Nemelka

It’s like Elvis, but Samoan. -Jarom

It’s like growing a mushroom and then doing nothing with it! -Mika

It’s murder in the dark but for kids, and you don’t tell them they’re dying. -Shalene

It’s painful being smart. -Jarom

It’s scary having all these big blobs coming at you! -Katie

It’s the some-o’clock rush! -Mika

It’s too bad you’ve been facing a lot more homicidal raving lunatics in your dreams lately. -Nathaniel

I’ve decided to leave politics for finance. I figure, why be a senator when you can buy ten? -Andrew

I’ve noticed something in this journal…it’s mostly about girls. I mean, what’s up with that? -Jarom

I’ve seen frogs in Utah. -Nemelka

Julia, you want to kill everyone…someday, you can. -Nathaniel

Just be quiet and read your scriptures! -Ryan

Kendy? Oh, I thought you were dead. -Johnny

Killing people is illegal! \ But it’s good for the soul. -Chris \ Andrew

Kimberlee has a Jack! Kimberlee is special. -Kimberlee

Kimberlee, we miss you almost! -Mika

Kindergarten. Kindergarten…kindergarten. -Jessica Lee

Lambs…you know, the big, white, fluffy things? -Katie

Last time I checked, those were my shoes. -Mika

Lemme tell ya, lemme tell ya… -Elizabeth

Let me see if I know what I’m talking about. If not, then I don’t want to talk about it. -Stacius

Let’s see if you can quantify your anguish. -Dad

Let’s talk about you since that’s your favorite topic. -Kimberlee

Like a watch-on-the-wall clock? -Crystal

Like the Grand Canyon, times…a lot. -Ryan

Look at Goze. She doesn’t know what we’re talking about, so she frowns. -Quesha

Look at how conceited you made me!…It’s awesome! -Mika

Look at that shuffling job. Have you ever seen anything finer? Besides me, I mean. -Leslee

Look, you can lay on my bed, but you can’t rename my dog! -Nemelka

Looking back, in retrospect… -Mika

Looks like it’s time to kill Kim! -Michael

Lots of people seem awesome until you meet them in person. -Mom

Maybe you should take an art class. Then it would be easier for you to illustrate your point. -Dad

McDonald’s Family Brothel: One girl to go. -Dad

Mom, I need help! -Mika

Money? Chocolate? Hippos? Nothing has worked so far. -Kendy

Mo-om!…I’m awesome! -Mika

Most of us don’t go quark-watching on a Saturday afternoon. -Professor Fisher

My dad can’t have me executed, I don’t think… -Stephan Dean

My fingertips are shiny, it’s like I’m bald. -Jon Lim

My girlfriend has rabies! -Jeff

My gosh! Don’t I ever shut up? -Mika

My laundry bag is following me. -Nemelka

My overactive conscience can’t handle your deriding. -Nemelka

My pants are still wet! They feel like dead grass. -Nemelka

My parents are trying to buy me off with material possessions, when all I really want is love! -Katrina

My tongue tastes funny when I do that. -Nemelka

Naked water chestnuts? Can you say that? -Jared

Negative feelings and emotions can really ruin your life. -heard in church

Never eat sheep while you’re naked! -Tisha

Nix that apostate! -Crystal

No sending turkeys in the mail. That’s not what the U.S. Postal Service is for. -Mika

No, ’cause they can’t talk to anyone. -Nicole

No, I mean, that’s really sort of dumb. -Prof. Skousen

No, my butt fell asleep. -Skeet

Not the death part, but freezing is good. -Ryan

Now I have Rice Krispies stuck to my teeth. That was a waste of my time. -Kimberlee

Now that we have Family Home Evening coming back into vogue… -Prof. Skousen

Now, let’s say you’re stupid. You can’t think for yourself. How do you go about doing a lab report? -Mr. Ortiz

Oh so cute!…and deadly. -Nemelka

Oh wow! You have drawers! -Nemelka

Oh, great. It’s a girl. -Mika

Oh, I am watching. -Kimberlee and Julia (the swimming scene in Pride & Prejudice with Colin Firth)

Oh, I’m so shallow! Look at me! I’m so shallow! -Mika

Oh, yeah, that’s just weird back-east stuff. -Prof. Skousen

Oh, your own stupidity has dawned upon you. -Jarom

Okay my teacher told us to think of the protons as returned missionaries, and the electrons as unmarried girls. -anonymous

Okay, which nerd carries white-out? -Matt

Once I walked through a tunnel. It was really scary. -Goze

Once you know the rules of English, you’re allowed to break them. -Prof. Grandy

One copy to edit, one copy to burn. -Mika

Ooh, it’s poking you! Maybe it’s in love with you. -Katie

Ooh, yes, freshmen are malleable. -Nathaniel

Our only friends are highlighters. -Timmy

Pakistan? Isn’t that a country? -Andrew Gemmer

People are piling in! Yes, like armadillos! -Jarom

People out there in the real world will never be as mean as your family. -Dad

Pharaoh saw a lot of miracles. I mean, they were annoying miracles, but miracles nonetheless. -heard in church

Pikachu says coo! -Kimberlee

Pillbug I saw, then pillbug I went. -Shalene

Pink bottles of antipathogens! -Nemelka

Plaster! My bookbag is misting! -Shalene

Polyester…and life was grand. -Shalene

Prune! Prune!…I love life. -Shalene

Puritans were…euhl. I wouldn’t wanna meet them down a dark alley. -Kimberlee

Remember in sixth grade? He was really smart! -anonymous

Revenge is a dish best served cold. And everybody loves ice cream! -Andrew

Rules are just suggestions. -Mrs. Burke

Running is futile. Unless it’s from some giant fireball death thing. Then it’s not futile. -Andrew

S…as in squid. -Mika

Say something quotable. -Mika

See, it’s way easier to find a mate when you only talk to one person. -Ammon

She probably doesn’t even have a mute about the cadence of where I’m going to be. Watch. -Nemelka

She’s a little slow, if you didn’t catch that from the mayonnaise ordeal. -Katie

She’s awfully floppy. I mean I know she’s dead, but . . . -Mika

She’s kind of like an ancient prostitute. -heard in church

She’s the Asian Martha Stewart! -anonymous

Shiny…Ewoks…you know? -David

Smart people don’t do what we’re doing. -Alex’s dad

So this is why I like giraffes. -Mika

So you do have the guys all up ons…just the wrong guys! -Nathaniel

So, even convicted felons can help in many ways. -Prof. Skousen

Some ancient tribal deer antler mask thing. -Kendy

Somebody said I sound like a whore that smokes too much. -Goze

Someone needs to develop truly burpless cucumbers. -Scott

Sometimes I impress myself, but usually I’m just confused. -Mika

Sometimes there’s just no excuse for that kind of comfort. -Jarom

Sort of a reverse-polygamy thing. -anonymous

Swimming in debt is not so fabulous. Better than swimming in an alligator-infested pond, though. -Mika

Thank heaven for heaven, y’know? -Nemelka

Thank you for your out-of-the-box dinner. -Angela

That man is a blaggart, bless his heart! -Nemelka

That was a great epiphany!…I need a hat. -Mika

That was all good stuff we skipped. -heard in church

That was just a side note, sort of a leaking-out of the truth. -Prof. Skousen

That’s more than you’re allotted! -Mika

That’s what I forgot!…My baby! -Alex

That’s what that was! I knew it was a horrible smell that I’d smelled before. -Mika

That’s why we can’t ever have a sleepover…we would kill Kimberlee and then regret it in the morning, because that’s when she’s cool again. -Julia

The allegations alleged against him… -heard in church

The door’s open! What’s your problem?? -Mika

The essence of Mika is hard to capture over the internet if not experienced in person first. -Julia

The government is run by humans – I mean, technically humans… -Andrew

The Orange…the Pineapple…the Mika… -Skeet

The other day I was reading this book, and it turns out that all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were named after famous artists!! -anonymous

The roads were twindy. -Jarom

The weird ones are automatically the most desperate. -Kimberlee

There are so many notes on your forehead, I think this one would get lost. -Mom

There have to be cute boys in heaven. -Margaret

There’s no such thing as an accident, only an unexpected outcome. -Skeet

There’s a lot of pieces, but it’s still a leg! -Nemelka

There’s just walls of vegetation!! -Ryan

There’s something on your wrist, it looks like a little organic stain. -Kendy

These glasses are so fun. -Nicole

They had frills everywhere! -Kimberly

They lived happily ever after. And then… -Va Yee

They made me think things. -Jeff

They sucked all the air out of this poor bag! -Kristina

They’re just so big and clonky! -anonymous

They’re like clowns, but in a different, less freaky sort of way. -Nathaniel

They’re thinner and more angular, and they look stupid. -Mika

They’re trying to take over your body! They’re agents of Satan! Ooh, I like this theory. -Kendy

Things that go shine… -Jarom

This building was made by Satan, you know that?! -anonymous

This chalk is a good citizen in the universe. It always obeys the law of gravity. -Prof. Wimmer

This is like a black hole of paper-sucking zombies! -Kendy

This is the pivotal moment… -Nemelka

This is why I don’t like to play games where I can’t cheat and win. -anonymous

This song would be way better if it was something different. -Mika

This sounds weird, but I hope whoever I marry doesn’t like golf. -Nemelka

Those are the only colors of light I know. Everything else is an abomination. -Mr. Mitchell

To do: kill Kim. -Michael

Turza…that’s a name that strikes fear in the hearts of men. -Julia

United airlines has huge fixed costs…they’re called airplanes. -econ TA

Unless it’s geology. Then it’s interesting, but still boring. -Elle

Wait, what? You’re buying us dessert? Oh, is that because you’re deserting us… ? -Mika

Way-back-far stuff. -Meg the Han

We always need more tragedy in children’s literature. -Nathaniel

We Americans don’t need the devil. -Stephen

We called her “Mother Kitty” because she had a lot of kittens when she was little. Yeah, she was a harlot. -John

We don’t talk about them, because…they lost, so why do we care? -American Heritage TA

We flirt for fun. -Mika

We love him because he’s a good source of protein! -Melissa

We need a shorter alphabet. -Michael

We never even went on a date, I just nibbled on her ear! -Ryan

We should all bring Mao into our lives. -Jarom

We should play Murder in the Dark with real weapons. -Kimberlee

We’d be like, “Oh, we’re so awesome! We’re old! We’re alive!” -Mika

We’ve got this oo-ee-oo thing going on here! -Nemelka

“Well-pleased…” it sounds so dorky! -Mom

What a waste of a prayer! -Mika

What are thinking skills? -Jarom

What did you do??…Or did I do that? -Mika

What does this word problem mean? It means Johnny won’t get a hamburger and Susie is going out with Fred. -Dad

What is it about movie credits that makes a woman have to use the restroom? -anonymous

What is that really cold part?…Siberia. -Jarom

What! You’re not Ali! You’re not even…literate! -Strong Bad

What’s that Narnia book about? …Narnia? -Julia

What’s that sticky stuff that comes out of trees? -Shawnelle

What’s the point of having a job if you can’t be evil?

What’s with my inability to drink? -Julia

When I die, I hope I get a giant spoon. -Andrew

When I get mad, I get ugly…and when I’m ugly, I’m not pretty! -Taylor

When lemmings run, it’s like a ball of fat rolling along. -Nathaniel

When the bird’s head hits the water… -anonymous

When you serve it’s fun sometimes…and sometimes it’s not, like when it’s punishment. -heard in church

Where’s my noose? -Kimberlee

Who are we to not do his temple work because we think he’s a loser? -Bro. Minert

Who needs a family when you have butter? -anonymous

Who needs cute guys when there’s bushes? -Shalene

Who needs ladies when you’ve got lotion like this? -Aragon

Who on earth gets sick that much?! It’s ridiculous!! -Ryan

Whoever said “learning is fun” has either never had fun or never learned. -Prof. Swift

Why are iguanas so much fun? -Mika

Why are you such a failure? -Michael

Why do I have to be dumb? I don’t understand. -Angela

Why does it trouble me to be drinking something that’s almost pure dye? -Nemelka

Why don’t you just start talking again, because this is pissing me off more than you talking! -Julia

Why is our ward so…barren? -Ammon

Why is this on my leg?! -Jared

Words like somewhere, someone—what are those? They’re very…different. -anonymous

Would you come if y
ou were engaged? -Tait

Would you like some of my hair? -Nemelka

Yeah, that’s pleasant. I like making people cocky. -Ryan

Yeah, they make me sound like I’m hecka intellectual! -Raeanna

Yeah, what’s up with giraffes?? -Mika

Yeah, you don’t wanna see what your voodoo doll looks like! -Crystal

You always need more exercise; you always need more AA batteries. -Mika

You always hear “sex and violence” together in the media…sex I’m all in favor of, but violence, that I’m categorically opposed to. -Prof. Jackson

You and the word “doctor” scare me. -Andrew

You are a part of the house you live in. -heard in church

You can hear the thought dying… -Jarom

You cannot capture beauty unless it is naturally as large as your desktop. Sorry. -Nathaniel

You don’t make out with ferrets? Why not?! It’s fun!! -Jarom

You go to shmagegie and you get a nice bag. -Marylen

You have to understand, cornbread’s a very versatile food. It just does what it wants. -Ryan

You know there are people who don’t believe we ever went to the moon? Well I wonder if—hey look, it’s made in France!—someone doesn’t believe there was really a Great Salt Lake. [long pause] I think I have Attention Deficit Disorder. -Mika

You know what that big hole out there looks like? It looks a parking lot for Tonka Toys. -Prof. Wimmer

You know what the sad thing is? You just can’t tie ice cubes to anything. -Nemelka

You know, as the day progresses, I feel slightly smarter. -Rhea

You know, I wish they had Economics of the Law of Consecration. -anonymous

You know, if you do this around your neck long enough you can’t feel your neck anymore. It’s almost like your head is floating out there. -Skeet

You know, you look really innocent at first, but you’re PURE EVIL! -Kimberlee

You stupid backpack! Stop trying to eat my foot! -Anna

You think you think, but you’re not sure. -Jarom

You weren’t stupid, you were ill-informed. -Prof. Wimmer

You will have clean hair from here to eternity! -Mom

Your “serious” and your “not serious” sound exactly the same. -Dad

Your coke addiction is driving me to the poorhouse! -Nemelka

Your hair is all…yeah. Because you didn’t wake up, and neither did it. -Jarom

Your lotion smells like Fruit Loops or something. -Shalene

Your name is Mika, right? -Jarom

Your nose looks like something that should be on some weird animal when I poke it like that.

Your whole mind is subliminal! -Mom

You’re cruel and unusual! -Kendy

You’re desecrating the scrunchie! -Kendy

You’re going to college? Are you going to get big? Are you going to be HUGE? -heard in church

You’re gonna confuse me and I’m gonna confuse you and we’ll be cool ’cause we have a Sarah!

You’re like a dinosaur. I’d like a dinosaur for a pet. -Johnny

You’re too cute to be innocent all the time. -Kimberlee

You’re ugly! Stick poke stick poke! -Melissa (you have to imagine it in that cool voice, of course)