Scariest Thing Ever?? Quite Possibly.

As many of you know, I am fond of looking at the news every day. Sometimes, I am shocked by what I see, other times I am uplifted. Today, I was horrified.

First, I think you need to know something. I hate cats. Hate. Them. People go on about how intelligent cats are and how independent they are, but does that really matter? I say they are cold and plotting. You know what else is highly intelligent, cold and plotting? Serial killers. A respected source (read: wikipedia) says many serial killers have above average intelligence, but you don’t see people going on about how serial killers make great pets. Yes, i just compared cats to serial killers.

So what could be more terrifying than a regular cat? How about a cat with wings? Terrified? But don’t worry, they don’t exist… OR DO THEY?

How would you like THAT flying at you?

OK, so that isn’t really what happened. I’m not sure how trustworthy this news source is but it looks like the story is legit. During a recent hot spell in the Sichuan province in China, a couple of cats began to have growths develop on their backs. They started as little bumps, and then grew into wings. You can read the article here (it even has pictures).

The cats can’t fly… yet. But we already know they are agile, AND intelligent. How long do we really have until they figure out how to fly? Our greatest fears are about to come true. If global warming is really happening, and if all it takes for cats to sprout wings is a good hot spell, then I see a whole world of hurt coming our way. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Pretty Long, But Worth It

Every now and then (more often than you would think) we get spam faxes at the law school. I didn’t know there was such a thing as a spam fax until I worked here. We got one today, and I just had to post it. It is long, but… well, you’ll see. Here it is (spelling and grammar mistakes and all).

To Whom It May Concern,
I, Sean Michael Tooley, Am Seeking Representation/Help For
Me As A Victim Of Crime In The United States By
The Central Intelligence Agency.
Richard Williams,
Belinda Mclees,
Jim Mclees,
Andrea Hopkins,
Chuck Williams, And
Charles Williams,
Are Operating Illegal Wire Taps On Me, And Using The Wire Taps On me They Are Operating L.A.S.E.R. Weapon Systems/Machines On Me In My Home, And Out In The Public, Shooting Me In The Liver Giving Me Liver Failure, Killing Me, In There Efforts to Kill Me, “Furthermore, The Central Intelligence Agency Is Using The Internet To Tell EveryBody To Lie and Paying People Off To Lie Regarding There Public Execution Of Me Being Viewed By The Public On Internet.

This Is A Public Execution By The Central Intelligence Agency And Is Not United States National Security. “In Addition The C.I.A. Is Using The Internet To Run A Parliamentary/Domestic Terrorism Operation On Me Out In The Public By U.S. Citizens To Secure There Public Execution Of Me With Ultra-Violet L.A.S.E.R.’s.

Please Help Me. I Need Protection From These Individuals And To Be Removed From There L.A.S.E.R. Weapons Systems Being Operated One Me, Shot Into My Liver, Giving Me Liver Failure, Killing Me.

I Need Help With The Fact That EveryBody In The U.S. Is Lying, And Being Asked To Lie By The C.I.A., And I Need To Be Put In Contact With The Covert People/Outside People Who Continue To Secretly Sue The Central Intelligence Agency Regarding The Illegal Operation To Publicly Execute Me.

Thank You,

Sean Michael Tooley

Isn’t that great? We got TWO letters from this guy! The other one is about the same, but goes on about operation “PURPLE.”

Whew…

Do you ever look back at a fad and think, “Man, am I EVER glad that is over with!”? I was thinking about what fads I have been glad are over, and here is a short list that I have come up with. This is in no particular order.

1. Troll Dolls
Do you remember these? Here is a reminder of what they were.

Scared? Scarred for life? How was this ever popular? Drugs? I really don’t know. What makes matters worse was that people collected them. This wasn’t just some horrible gag that you hid in that kid you didn’t like’s backpack to scare him. People willingly bought more than one of these things. Personally, I think that collecting dolls is creepy enough (especially those porcelain ones…), but can you imagine a ROOM FULL OF THESE? Try not to. You will have nightmares. You really have to wonder though, who was the first person to say, “Hey, I know! Let’s take one of these:

and make a TOY out of it! Toss some pink hair on it and that will make it cute!” News flash guys, it did not work.

Modern Day Version: ??

2. Beanie Babies

I guess that these are a step up from trolls. I guess. People went CRAZY for these things. There was this one lady on the news that had thousands of them in her house. Thousands! I remember thinking to myself that people will buy and collect anything. Anything. My favorite part of this is a description of a Beanie Baby on Wikipedia: “A Beanie Baby is essentially a fancy bean bag in the form of a stuffed animal.” Need I say more?

Modern Day Version: Webkinz (Can I just say, putting a “z” instead of a “s” is not cool. It never was, and never will be)

3. Vanilla Ice

Bands come and go all the time, but has there really been anything as ridiculous as Vanilla Ice? Look at him.

LOOK at him! The shiny pants? The American flag jacket? Who was this guy? Why was he so insanely popular? At one point, didn’t he even have a doll made in his image? I think about the only thing he did that I would be able to stand now is “Ninja Rap” from the end of Ninja Turtles 2. And that is stretching it. A lot. I might just end of movie early instead of watching that part.

Modern Day Version: Paris Hilton (Ok, so I just put that in there so that I wouldn’t have two fads with “???” under “Modern Day Version,” but now that I think about it there are some similarities)

4. Tamagotchi

Do you even remember these? They were these little toys about the size of a egg that had a LCD screen on it. The screen shows a little pet/creature that you get to raise.

It was all cool until it wanted to be fed every minute of every day, and then if you messed up, it would die. Talk about high maintenance. Doesn’t that seem a little bit messed up? I understand the need to teach kids about death and responsibility of caring for others, but, seriously! “Oh Billy, looks like you were three seconds too late feeding Fido; he died because you didn’t push the feed button fast enough.” Doesn’t that seem harsh?? Kids were so scared of letting these things die, that they would bring them to school with them, because what if Fido got hungry while you were in class? The whole thing was a bit creepy, and I was glad when it was over.

Modern Day Version: Nintendogs

So what do you guys think of my list? Like I said before, this is not a comprehensive list, and you are free to agree or disagree with it. Please leave comments about any fads you are glad are gone.