5 Ridiculous Things I Secretly Plan For
Posted: January 12, 2011 Filed under: Importance of Being Earnest 6 CommentsI like to live the Boy Scout motto: “Be Prepared.” When your mind is wandering what do you think about? Sugarplums? Taxes? The rule against perpetuities? Not me. I assess the situation I am in and prepare for ridiculous scenarios. If we’re ever in the same room, and I have that glazed look on my eyes, I’m probably planning for a:
5. Nuclear Attack
Don't worry, I've got this one.
I’m not sure why I think of this one so frequently. Maybe I’ve watched too many of those 1960s era PSA’s. Maybe I’ve just watched too many movies (I’m looking at you Dr. Strangelove). Whatever the reason, it can’t hurt to be prepared, right?
Preparation:
Not really much you can do. Always be aware of your surroundings. You could always keep a pocket knife on you in case you are thrust into a survival situation. Yeah, a pocket knife.
When it happens:
Look for what appears to be the sturdiest wall in the room I am in. Don’t go near any windows because when they blow out, you could get severely damaged by the glass. Also don’t go near anything that could fall on you. I estimate that 80% of my day is spent in close proximity to bookshelves that could, conceivably crush me, so yes, this is a valid concern. At school, I would rather be in a classroom that in the library; the library has lots of windows and glass to injure you. Also, books. Lots of books. The classrooms were built during the 70s, when people were thinking about “what if we get hit by a nuke.” I am pretty sure they are safe.
Long term:
Obviously, there are concerns about the long-term health effects of radiation exposure. I would pick a direction and start walking (or if possible driving). The goal is to get as far away from the fallout as possible. You don’t want to go to where the next bomb is going to go off, so some place remote and unpopulated is ideal.
4. High Speed Chase
In this car.
Let me add a small caveat. When I think of this, I always assume that nobody will get hurt, and the roads are clear (and I won’t have an insurance rate spike). I’m never sure what sort of situation would lead to a high speed chase, but I figured it is better to be ready than unprepared.
Preparation:
Simplest way to avoid a car chase? Don’t make anybody angry. That includes the police and the mafia. If you live a lifestyle where this is not an option, then I suggest getting a small car with an excellent suspension and handling. You’re going to be taking lots of turns at high speeds, remember? You need something practical to get you around. Also, watch lots of Top Gear (If you have any dignity you’ll just watch the British version).
When it happens:
The goal is to get to the freeway and not let your foot off the gas. Granted, this type of driving tends to burn through the gas quickly, so have someplace in mind that you are going to. On the run from the mafia? go to the police station. Deadly assassins? best to try and lose them before you go home. Always keep in mind who is following you, always.
Long term:
You’re going to have to get a new car. If they’ve been chasing you, they obviously know what kind of car you drive. Change cars and lay low for a while.
3. Zombie Apocalypse
Barely registers as a threat
Much has been said about what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse, so I know this isn’t the most original entry. But it never hurts to have a little something extra planned out.
Preparation:
I guess this all depends on the type of zombie we are talking about. I don’t really believe in magic, so let’s assume this is a highly-contagious virus that changes people into zombie-like creatures. Now that we have that established, I think the best preparation you can have is to stay in shape. Zombies aren’t exactly known for their speed or agility, so the best defense is to be fast and nimble. Keep a healthy supply of food and tools on hand. Food keeps you strong, and tools can often double as weapons in a pinch.
When it happens:
Stay calm. Don’t try to meet up with family or friends unless you are absolutely sure they have not been infected. Yes, family is important, but do you really want NOBODY from your family to survive? Also, despite what may seem to be a great idea, don’t go to the gun store. Of all the places to try and get supplies, the gun store is probably the worst idea. Don’t you think the owner is prepared (and willing) to defend his store? Don’t go to the grocery store, there will be a lot of people there trying to get supplies. Where there are lots of people, there are lots of germs. The goal here isn’t to kill as many zombies as possible, it is survival.
Long term:
Head north; go slowly. Zombies are not prized for their intelligence, and the further north you go, the colder it will get. Get far enough north and the zombies will turn into meatsicles. Of course, you will need winter clothes for you to survive, but zombies just wander around waiting for brains to come their way. They will freeze as they wander around the frozen wasteland that is Canada.
2. Deserted Island Survival
Just hope the Dharma initiative didn't find this one.
Many islands that can reasonably be inhabited, are inhabited. If you end up on an island with nobody else on it, be prepared for a rough ride.
Preparation:
Considering that the most likely reason you will end up on a deserted island is from surviving an ocean landing from an airplane, there isn’t much you can do to prepare in terms of equipment. Know at least the basics of how to swim and dive underwater. Know several decent knots and how to make a wooden spear. Know how to make some simple traps couldn’t hurt either.
When it happens:
Let’s assume that you have survived the crash, and that you are now on the island. You are probably exhausted from your swim, and want to curl up and take a nap. Remember, without food or water to replenish you, this may be the most energy you have for a while. After you catch your breath, it would probably be a good idea to circle your island to see if there are any fresh water sources that run to the sea. Keep a lookout for food sources that are easily accessible and easy to store.
Long term:
Build a shelter and get a small fire going. Try to keep the fire going and do what you can to not go crazy. Recite poetry. Write down something every day, even if it is just in the sand. Keep plenty of food and water and hope for the best. At least you won’t catch the zombie virus!
1. Velociraptors
The ultimate terror
Ever since I saw Jurassic Park as a kid (I believe I saw it about 14 times in theater), I have been preparing for this.
Preparation:
According to the movie, the one thing velociraptors cannot due is hack computers. In real life, a general awareness of your surroundings coupled with physical fitness should be enough to keep you safe . . . for a little while.
When it happens:
For this scenario, my goal is generally to get up where the raptors cannot reach you. These guys can jump pretty high, so you need to get up high and stay there for a while. I usually see if there is some high ledge that you can get onto. Or the roof of a house. Really, they’re going to eat you no matter what, so there isn’t much you can do.
Long term:
You will be dead. There is no long term.
Spark Restaurant Lounge – Provo
Posted: December 5, 2010 Filed under: James and the Giant Peach Leave a commentUltimately, I owe this review to Sposita; a few years back she came out to visit us. While here, she took Roni to Spark (or SP^RK if you go by the sign). I was intrigued by Roni’s description of the atmosphere, food and general vibe of the restaurant. A trendy place? that serves non-alcoholic mixed drinks? in Provo?
I knew we just had to go. Last year, we purchased a gift card for Spark during their black friday special; all gift cards were 50% off. This week we were able to use up the last of that gift card, and it was worth it.
In general, Spark is the kind of place you might expect to find in a larger city. The inside is dark, with modern art on the walls, and lights hanging down at varying heights from the tall ceiling. You almost suspect that the place doubles as a moody hangout for overwrought hipsters after a long day of reading Nietzsche and comparing ironic mustache tattoos. But oddly enough, the decor seems to work with the restaurant as a whole.
Spark uses quality ingredients in its food and drinks. This was especially evident in the dessert we ordered. If you do go to spark, I recommend you splurge and get the amano chocolate mousse. The mousse is made from locally produced chocolate and is smooth and rich. Nicely complementing the richness of the chocolate was the homemade hazelnut ice-cream; it was wonderful and creamy. Also included was a bruleed grapefruit. This was perhaps the most surprising part of the dessert. I would never have paired grapefruit with hazelnut ice cream or chocolate mouse, but all of the components worked together in harmony to please your palate.
Presentation is king at Spark. If you want large portions of messy food slopped down on your plate (i’m looking at you Texas Roadhouse), then this is not the pace for you. Each dish I’ve had has been thoughtfully presented with neatness and precision. Don’t expect needless amounts of parsley on you dish here (I’m looking at you IHOP), everything on the plate is meant to contribute to the flavor of the dish. My most recent dish serves to illustrate this point. I ordered the flat iron steak, with cranberry sauce, microgreens and potato croquette. While each individual item was tasty in its own right, it was the combination of all the elements on the plate that really made the dish supreme. The steak was tender and seasoned well, while the microgreens added a mild nuttiness which help to counterbalance the tartness of the cranberry sauce. The croquette helped to add in some textural variety to the dish. That being said, if you run out of one of the elements, the others may seem a bit bland. While the croquette interesting with the steak and other sides, when it was alone, it was a bit bland.
The serving size is not going to be the same as if you went Cheesecake Factory. Don’t expect to leave Spark on a gurney while you desperately try to use that belt-hole-punching attachment on your swiss army knife. The servings are reasonable, and are designed for you to enjoy more than a single course. If you’re not sure you want to drop $10-$15 a course quite yet, then I highly recommend the lunch special. The special changes several time throughout the week (and is announced daily on twitter and facebook), but always includes three courses for $10. The first course is a soup or salad, followed by an entrée and dessert. Wait for a trio that sounds interesting and try spark.
Finally, a word on the drinks. Sparks has non-alcoholic mixed drinks, but again, don’t expect mega-smoothies or chocolate shakes here. The flavors are thoughtful and intriguing. My personal favorite is the mango mojito, which has mango puree, mint and lime. Roni usually favors the berry martini or kiwi martini to quench her thirst. No free refills here, so sip your drink, don’t gulp it down! With multiple courses, you may want to leave the kids at home for both financial and managerial reasons. I’ve seen people bring younger kids, but it usually does not end well. We’ve been known to bring an infant who can sleep through the meal, and that seems to work just fine.
Food Quality: 4
Taste: 4.5
Portion Size: 4
Service: 3.5
Overall Experience: 4
price (per course): $8-18
tl;dr: Give it a try for some creative and flavorful food that is expertly presented.
Spark Restaurant Lounge
86 N University Ave
Provo, UT 84601
Adventures in Baking Adventurously
Posted: November 27, 2010 Filed under: James and the Giant Peach 4 CommentsA short while ago, Roni found a recipe for a cake that looked tremendously delicious. We knew we had to try it. It was for a chocolate pumpkin cake (original recipe here). We both love pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, and this recipe sounded like the natural extension of that love.
For those of you who don’t know, the problem is that we have neither a real oven, nor do we have a real stove. We do have, however, a toaster oven and a portable butane stove to bake and cook with. Despite our significant handicap, we decided to give the recipe a go. We were not disappointed.
So, other than carrot cake, I had never made a cake without using a boxed cake mix as a base. I was a little bit nervous that the cake would come out all wrong when we tried to make it. But, we made the batter and it was actually quite good. The pumpkin purée went into the batter, but it wasn’t as overwhelmingly PUMPKIN as I expected.
The Bwun approved!
We baked the first layer, and popped in some Perry Mason to pass the time while the first layer cooled. We leveled the layer and we were both surprised at how moist and chocolaty the cake was. A definite winner! Sadly, by the time the second layer was done, the Bwun was in bed, so we couldn’t really fire up the mixer to get started on making the frosting.
However, as soon as the Bwun woke up the next morning, I started on the frosting. The frosting had a bit of cocoa powder in it; this made it wonderful and rich. The only thing I would change would be to leave out the cinnamon that the recipe calls for (It almost feels like it detracts from the rest of the cake). We put the frosting on the cake, and let the it sit in the fridge for a good long while.
The final step is what really brought this cake into perfection; we started making the ganache topping. It was very simple, and very tasty. Just a little cream, chocolate and butter, and it was ready to go!
Not pictured: restraint
We waited for a few minutes for the ganache to cool, and then poured it over the top of the cake and let it run down the sides. Here was the end result.
Jealous?
Not the prettiest looking thing we’ve ever made, but wasn’t bad for having been made in a glorified toaster! The pumpkin made the chocolate cake moist and delicious, and the combination of the sweet cream cheese/whipped cream frosting and the rich ganache made for the perfect topping. If you’re in the mood for some seasonal fun, this cake is a must try! I think it was certainly good enough to make it into our cookbook.
Jarom
Mika
hilleries 