Day 17
Posted: April 3, 2013 Filed under: The Story of a Mother 5 CommentsWe did Easter baskets for the kids on Sunday, and they both got a little jar of bubbles. Guess what? Ender loves bubbles. He eats them. It’s pretty hilarious, and I was going to post a video of it, but then today ended up being so depressing that I thought I’d share my sad life with you some more.
It seems like Wednesdays and Sundays are the hardest days for me – Sundays because I see lots and lots of little babies at church, and Wednesdays because then it’s “x weeks until.” I hate finishing the sentence. Until I hold my baby. Until my baby dies. Until I leave the hospital empty-handed.
I don’t feel angry or like this is an unfair situation, but I do feel jealous of all the parents who are expecting healthy babies. If things had gone differently, and Tiny Baby had been a healthy girl, I was going to sew a blessing gown. Now we’ve had a generous offer of a handmade burial gown.
Most of the time it’s so easy for me to discuss the situation calmly and, to a large extent, unemotionally. But then the hurt catches up with me and all I can think is
I want my baby.
I want my baby.
I want my baby.
But in 3 weeks, my baby will be gone.
Jarom
Mika
hilleries 
Thanks for the warning.
The warning didn’t help much, but oh! how we love you.
Thank you for sharing. You must be very special to our Heavenly Father for Him to give you this experience.
My heart is wrenched by your sorrow and knowing there is no way to wish/hope/earnestly desire it to pass. I thank you for expressing it so clearly that I can understand its depth. I love you all.
We love you so much!