I read Graceling by Kristin Cashore last night – I’ll post a review soon, but in the meantime I wanted to rant a little bit about something the main character expressed in the book…
Does the majority of society view marriage as confining, restricting, and a hinderance to one’s independence? Do they see marriage as a fundamental change to one’s nature, for the worse? Is it a loss of a woman’s identity?
I won’t pretend that there are no sacrifices involved in marriage, and certainly on a basic level we give up a certain type of relationship with others and commit to our spouse. But I wouldn’t call marriage a cage. I don’t feel trapped. It’s an immense comfort to be so inextricably linked with my best friend, to know that we are each a top priority to the other. If I have changed, it’s for the better. Spouses uplift and edify each other, working together to improve. To me, it’s a beautiful partnership, one that is definitely worth any freedoms I might have had to give up (though honestly, I don’t feel like I have given much up).
I think the Romgi and I have together expanded, expounded upon, and refined my identity. I don’t feel a sense of loss for who I once was, or that I said goodbye to anything fundamental about me. Instead, I am more myself now than I was before – a better self, as I said. I think marriage makes us more than the sum of our parts. We’re better people as spouses than as individuals. The Romgi is not my enemy for taking away my identity. He’s my best friend and has completed me (awww, sappy).
And now I’m done ranting, because the Bwun is tearing a napkin to shreds. Feel free to share your thoughts – and don’t hesistate to disagree with me; I want to hear what you think.