ah, it’s good to be back

I was actually just having trouble getting the blog template to cooperate and gave up in frustration, that’s the only reason I’ve been silent since sunday. (nice alliteration.)

so…let’s see…monday was a normal day, tuesday was not, wednesday was not, today was normal-ish. I can’t remember anything from monday, which is why I call it normal. oh wait! there it is. my parents in their infinite sneakiness have decided to make our fhe lessons be about money management. aha, so clever, yes? gaaaa. and it turns out I have a draft saved of the post I would’ve posted on monday, had I not started feeling like I was going to punch the computer. here it is:

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I swear, right now I’m ready to start packing my things and move out to utah at the end of the week.

I don’t know if my parents think they’re being sneaky, or just good parents…instead of sitting down for another “discussion” (read: lecture), they’ve decided to have a series of fhe lessons about money management.

yes, I realize buying a car without carefully planning it out financially was unwise. but I honestly think I’m going to learn more from making mistakes like that than by hearing a well-prepared lesson. or a lecture. my dad keeps doing this thing of “before you go back to utah, you need to learn better _____ skills.” or “I don’t want you going back to utah until you’re better at ______.” why can’t I just go? why can’t I just learn on my own? the one thing I’ve realized is that I need to make mistakes because that’s how I learn best. not from “discussions.” gaaa.

at this point I don’t even care about being here over the summer to hang out with jarom and everyone. quentin will be driving back from utah the weekend jarom comes home, I could get a ride with him, and surely there’s someone else going back out to provo for summer term. I bet there is. I could take a room at the solarwind house already, since just kamikaze and the other girl are living there right now. find a decent job, maybe at the document imaging company or even back in mapleton. there are ways it could work.
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tuesday was an adventure. we had our interviews in san francisco for the u.s. attorney’s office job. call me crazy, but when our company is “downsizing” left and right in hopes of staying afloat, it doesn’t make a ton of sense to pull all the key administrative folks off what they’re doing to send them down to get security clearance for a client we may or may not get, and may or may not even be in business for if we get the job! but, we (lauren, daryll, mick jr, tim and I) left the office around 8am and drove down to frisco. I’m so glad I wasn’t driving — trying to navigate around all those stupid one-way streets in a commuter van? no thanks. on the way I started reading a book called the language instinct, which I’m enjoying very much so far. anyway, we finally got a parking spot (most paid parking lots wouldn’t handle vans as big as ours) and headed for the 10th floor of the government building. (no idea what it was called.) we got fingerprinted, which was awesome, and filled out a few miscellaneous items on our clearance forms. of course we were expecting that then we’d start the interviews, since that’s what we’d been told would happen. but instead, the woman said, “great, thanks guys. we’ll give you a call once we’re ready for you to come back for your interviews.” what the? which meant we were finished within an hour, instead of the 4 hours we planned for.

the up side: it was not too long until lunch time when we got out, and we were in san francisco…hmm, let’s go to…the cheesecake factory! oh man. company paid for lunch, and it was delicious. tim got the appetizer sampler for us all to share, and the avocado egg rolls were actually really, really good. (I mention them mostly because they’re pictured on the website.) then I ordered a grilled portabella burger. no meat? I know, it’s weird for me, but the burger was great. an interesting sauce with a little bit of tang and a lot of messiness made it just about perfect. the servings were huge, and by the time we’d pretty much cleaned our plates, everyone was moaning about being so stuffed. me, though, I’d saved room for dessert. honestly, someone else is paying for lunch at the cheesecake factory, how are you going to not get any cheesecake? when they realized I was getting dessert, suddenly everyone else had room too. funny how that works. I got godiva, lauren had vanilla bean, tim got toblerone, daryll shared all of ours, and mick jr got some apple crisp (lactose intolerant). succulent.

so that was most of tuesday. I think something else might have happened, but what was it? oh…I took two skelaxin during lunch, because my head was killing me; when I got home about 4pm, I laid down, and took a six-hour nap. good times.

wednesday, let’s see. the funeral was in the morning. it was really good, the third I’ve been to ever. all the speakers made reference to the relationship he had with his wife — and it’s exactly what I want with my husband. it sounded so, so perfect. there was a violin solo accompanied by piano (does that still make it a solo?), of “meditation.” beautiful. the casket had really pretty bouquets of yellow roses on it.

about 9pm I was sitting in the front room, watching the sandlot and trying to balance my checkbook. my dad came in and said, “hey mika, let’s go to a movie.” I just laughed. with work so early in the morning? not likely. but then I thought, well, I’ll just ask what’s playing. he said hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy was on and maybe I’d like to see that? oh jeez. well of course I’ll go to a movie with him! free free, and fun. awesome movie.

that meant I got home about midnight; finished balancing my checkbook, bemoaning my general financial state, and making a to-do list for today, which carried me to almost 2am. then I thought I’d just check my email, but when I got online ryan was there, so we talked…until 3:30. man. that was incredibly unwise, and I felt it all day. I didn’t get to bed till nearly 4, and it took a while to fall asleep. bleh. but the best part about all of it is that I got a new nickname:

uzwilbrastragolbekard.

yeah.

so today I actually got almost every single thing on my list done! huzzah. maybe someday I really will be responsible. ish.

immediate wishes 002

– that really good pot roast I made before
– a cute black skirt
– knowledge of how jarom really feels about me
– a ticket to the jt concert
– a name for the frog
– a raspberry jelly donut, slightly warmed

written during church

I’m sitting here at the institute building. came for rockville branch, and it’s quarter to, but no one else here. strange how many forgotten memories come back when I’m in this building. the one I remember most distinctly is from a meeting we had here — was it just my ward? maybe even just the yw — no, probably ym/yw. a planning meeting for the next year. we had it in december 2001. but what I remember about it was sitting talking to sister traylor and another girl about my age, and I was saying something about david…wearing my peacoat, with an I am loved button. after the meeting — oh! it must have been januar, because after the meeting I met up with david and we went to goze’s birthday party, and then we watched a movie at his house. it was the weekend before we started dating. anyhow, I had that smile when I was talking about him, but somehow I still didn’t realize that I liked him…

now it’s starting to fill up. and people are actually talking to me. not sitting by me, granted, but maybe eventually someone will come. maybe.

ahh countdown six weeks until the homecoming. nervous, excited, hesitant, doubtful, anxious, somewhat giddy. and it will all be amplified in the coming weeks. today I don’t think things will work out, becauseI don’t feel in love. and also because I want all the experiences of dating someone new, like meeting his family for the first time, and being introduced to his friends as “the girlfriend.” not at all possible with jarom. I guess if I were really in love it wouldn’t matter. but at the same time I really want to make it work for us — or do I just want to be loved, and be held again?

I feel like writing at the moment. not really much to say, though, so it will come out as rambling. (hey wait…) why did I come to rockville branch? it must’ve been a social thing. and I did get to see some fun people that I haven’t seen in a while.

what I want though is to fast-forward a while. not all the way to utah, maybe just until jarom comes home. I don’t think a whole lot of exciting stuff is supposed to happen before then. wonder how things will go? I’m not expecting to see jarom until his homecoming — and that won’t be personal. I know I’ll talk to him, and there’ll be plenty of people around to keep it from being really awkward…but when will we get to really talk? is he going to call me? are we going to hang out much? or will he be weird, really weird? I’m worried that there’ll be too many other people wanting his time. of course he’ll want to spend time with his family — he’s never met the twins. are there other people here to distract him? I confess I’m kind of glad that sprite is already married.

— oh yeah, I heard that sarah flinders, the girl alex was in love with, is getting married! I had no idea. but I’m sure she’s happy, and alex will find someone else.

one of our stake patriarchs, brother blaisedell, passed away thursday evening. I think everyone is a little bit relieved; not that we wanted him to go, but he was awfully lonely without his wife. I mean he was 94, and she’s been dead almost twenty years. the funeral is wednesday. it’ll only be the third I’ve ever attended — the first being my grandmother’s, when I was five, and the other being bishop parini’s, when I was 16.