The Flame Alphabet

by Ben Marcus | 289 pgs, published 2012

I heard about this on NPR and was ridiculously excited to read it. Plot: the speech of children becomes toxic to adults, and parents must decide whether to stay with their kids or escape to safety. I went and got it from our right-down-the-street library the week after we moved into our new house.

Sadly, The Flame Alphabet was by far the worst book I read this year.

I had such high hopes, which may have been a contributing factor to my disappointment, but I think the book itself was just so terrible that it would have been impossible to enjoy even with lower expectations. First of all, the writing was sluggish, bland, and a little bit sickening. The descriptions of what happened to adults were just off-putting. Second, the characters were unlikable at best and leaned more toward detestable. I didn’t care if they all died – I wanted them to – and I had little interest in what happened to them. Third, there was no resolution in the book. Questions weren’t answered. I suspect the book was too high-brow for someone like me; it wasn’t intended to be an entertaining read where problems get solved and people end up happy. But I’m not the sort who likes writing for the sake of pompous writing.

The reviews on Amazon are interesting, as it looks like there are several other people who shared my opinion (something I love!) as well as people who think the author is a genius. You’d be better off reading the reviews than the book, if you ask me.

Oh, one final complaint: I was really happy to see the cover, until I got the copy from the library and realized it wasn’t really paper piecing, it was just designed to mimic the effect. I would have loved the design if it had been done with real paper.

Buy The Flame Alphabet on Amazon

I Am Number Four

by Pittacus Lore | 448 pgs, published 2010

I started reading this while Jarom was in surgery, having his gallbladder removed. I had to stay calm somehow. It was actually an interesting book, but when I mentioned to Jarom later that I was reading it, he said he’d heard that the movie was terrible. Then I was conflicted – did I feel like the book was bad because the movie was, or did I think the movie adaptation was poorly done, or did I really enjoy the book after all? This is why I avoid reading book reviews, and why it’s ironic that I write them, even if informally. I’m just too easily swayed by outside opinion.

In the end, though, I think I did like the book. The premise is that a distant planet was about to be destroyed, or its people were, or something like that . . . I’ve read a lot of books since August, okay? Anyway, as a protection, the planet sent nine children and nine protectors to Earth, to be trained and eventually return to restart the planet or save it or whatever. The destroyers followed them to Earth, but can only kill the kids in order of their numbers – hence the main character being Number Four. The first three have been killed, which means he could be next. And he hasn’t really learned how to use any of his cool alien powers yet. Yeah, it’s a problem.

There was probably a less-interesting love story in there too, and I’m just guessing, but Number Four, who was supposed to keep all of this alien stuff a secret, ended up telling the girl. And of course she believed him. Because it’s Love. Sigh.

If I ever get around to it, I’d like to read the other books, but if you’re pressed for time – as everyone is – I think there are better books you should read first.

Buy I Am Number Four on Amazon

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

by Ransom Riggs | 352 pgs, published 2011

While I was reading this book, I thought it felt a little disjointed. Then I found out, after I was done, that the author had collected bizarre old photographs and written the story around them. Well, mystery solved.

The book does have some interesting ideas, such as (and here I assume you won’t mind a spoiler because I haven’t exactly recommended the book) being able to keep people in an eternal loop of one day. Like Groundhog Day, but in a good way, because it keeps the group safe. Life goes on as normal for everyone outside the loop. Also, there was a twist I didn’t see coming, which says a small something in the book’s favor. A more astute reader would probably pick up on the hints ahead of time.

Altogether, though, I don’t care what happens to the kids in the book, and the love story part is CREEPY WEIRD, and the photos are truly bizarre. I’m going to say skip it. I’m here to save you from wasting time on mediocre books!

Buy Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children on Amazon