Posted: June 25, 2005 | Author: Mika | Filed under: Bartleby the Scrivener |
“I’ve always wanted … to see the taj mahal, the pillars of karnak. I want to know, not just believe, that the world is round.” -katherine brooke, anne of avonlea (the movie)
Posted: June 24, 2005 | Author: Mika | Filed under: Romgi the Enigma |
jarom came over this evening. we played a crayola-fied version of the question game. it was good times. then we got frostys, talked some more, and he asked if we could head out. about halfway down n texas he said, “take me home an exciting way.” so we drove around for a bit, and finally he said, “I was wondering…what you think/want of me.”
my reply: “jarom, I think you’re amazing. you can argue all you want against it, but you are. I admire you as a person. you always seem to be doing what you know is right, and you’re constantly trying to be better, and you encourage me to be better. to push myself and become more — to be better. I guess what I want of you…well, for now, just to know what you think of me.”
him: “I think you’re amazing. and I missed you a lot.”
so we talked more about our past, and I said I think we’ve grown up enough that we could be the best friends we’ve always had the potential to be. maybe indefinitely best friends, and that’s what I want to see about. he mentioned that senior year, when we sort of had a dating-ish-relationship thing, he liked it, but didn’t feel quite ready for it. and now…he doesn’t feel that hinderance anymore. I asked what he thinks we should do; he said he didn’t know. we were about to his house then so the conversation kind of ended. walked him to his door and got another good hug.
that’s about it. lots of discussion; no direction from here, exactly, although he did say in reply to my question of what he wanted of me, “what I don’t want is drifting apart. so what I do want is togetherness.”
no work tomorrow, mostly! I’ll go in for about an hour. bedtime now.
sweet dreams,
mika.
Posted: June 22, 2005 | Author: Mika | Filed under: Bartleby the Scrivener |
I actually went back to using pen-and-paper journals after finding that some emotions just can’t be expressed without thoroughly messy handwriting.
so, jarom is back, and doing well. he looks wonderful. he has de-missionary-ized much more than I expected by this point, and things between us are…lovely. still awkward but not in a “he just got back from a mission” way, more of an “I like him and he likes me but we aren’t really saying lots about it quite yet” way. saturday I was at his house for a barbeque for 6 hours, sunday was his homecoming talk, and last night we had ice cream and games with kim and quentin. then jarom asked if I’d like to go for a drive, which ended up being 2 hours. we went up by the dam right by the napa county line, and looked at the stars, and stayed about ten feet apart from each other the whole time. it was actually pretty funny. although a few times he was right there and suddenly holding me and everything else disappeared for a moment. cliche? definitely. but glorious.
then on the drive back we had an “us” sort of discussion, much sooner than I anticipated. one thousand congratulations to me for being honest about how I felt (without scaring him off, even!). looks like in the coming weeks (days?) we’ll start getting more and more comfortable with each other, and figure out are we dating or what, and after that what, etc. mmm.
good times, folks, good times. I’m still sort of floating around, everything is so much better than I thought it could possibly be.
huzzah for being alive!
Jarom
Mika
