the long day is over

as my good friend ryan says, “take me home norah, take me home.”

at long last, the week is over. it was a hectic one. I worked overtime almost every day — not that ot is bad at all, but I was on a crazy deadline. I told mick that I’d have pec ready to bill by tuesday morning, then pushed it back to wednesday, finally thursday because of having to redo heather’s stuff. what a mess. wednesday night I was up till 12:30 trying to finish the indexing, which meant not much sleep.

but I did have a doctor’s appointment on thursday. a miracle, considering all the hassle I went through to get insurance. it was a good appointment — translation: I got drugs. right now I’m trying skelaxin, a mild muscle relaxer. the dr said my headaches are most likely caused by muscle tension in my back, shoulder, and skull muscles. I believe it so far. he told me that if the skelaxin helps — not necessarily makes the headaches stop, but helps — I’ll start doing physical therapy to relax those muscles. and learn to eliminate the causes of my knots, etc.

thursday morning I also met with liz and lauren to discuss our procedures for pscu, once production is finished. it will be a nightmare, but I’ll survive. hopefully. I know mick keeps telling me that it’s ok if I fail this project. but I’ve never been told that before in my life — “if you don’t do really well, no one will think less of you, and it will be a learning experience” — and I can’t get my brain to wrap around the concept. it’s great, I know, but I’ve developed my personality so that I always plan to exceed expectations. this idea of not being a failure as a person if I fail in one aspect of my life is new. it changes my perception of… well, of me. I’ve been so adamant and harsh with myself that failure is not an option, not acceptable; and anything that falls even a drop short of expectations is failure. I haven’t allowed any room for learning or for experience. no wonder I went crazy at byu.

yesterday I drove up to brian and amy’s. that was an adventure. I had just gotten on i-80 at the travis onramp when my car started spazzing. clever me, I had forgotten I was out of gas. the engine cut out — luckily I was able to pull over to the side of the road first. at the time I was on the phone with ryan , who kept me calm and sane. I called my dad to come rescue me, and he brought a few gallons of gas with him. so I made it to the arco on north texas. that station is stupid, can I say? they only take atm and debit, no credit, and the card reader at the register wasn’t working. of course you can only pay inside. so I had to use the atm and pay an extra $2 because it wasn’t my bank’s machine. dorks. oh well, at least my poor car got better, and I made it up to carmichael.

sort of.

the traffic was pretty bad, and even though I had directions from yahoo!, it doesn’t tell you that i-80 branches off right after the causeway. so I stayed in the fast lane, which turns into highway 50. there was still a watt ave. exit, but it put me at the far end of watt ave., and I got incredibly frustrated trying to find my way back to brian’s.

I finally got there about 6:15, but wasn’t hungry. I didn’t actually get hungry until we had all gone to bed. about 8:30 I remember taking skelaxin, but my headache continued to get worse and worse as the night went on. every time I woke up it was throbbing. weird, because I almost never wake up with a headache. even in the morning it was killing me — after a full 10 hours of sleep with few interruptions. I think it was because of not eating, though.

today I’m exhausted. the drive back down here killed me. my headache went away after I ate breakfast (thus confirming my suspicions), but I was driving into the sun and my eyes went crazy. it was so hard to see and I was afraid for a while I might not be able to make it without pulling over for a while. here I am, though, safe and sound. my semisonic cd came, as did my usb drive. I talked to ryan about what music he wants me to send him and I’ll get that done tomorrow or monday.

I’ve got to send jarom’s card, but I can’t find it t the moment. oops. it needs to be there by the 21st, or rather by the 20th by my time. since south korea is a day ahead and all.

do you know, I haven’t let myself process the fact that he’ll be home in 3 months? I keep pushing it to the back of my mind. at least I’m aware of that, and not saying “oh yeah, jarom is coming home in 3 months, can you believe it” and thinking that saying it means I understand. no, I know it hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m scared to think about it. maybe next week. maybe next month. ha.