Is Ed There?

This is a telephone conversation I just had. Really.

Me: Hello?
Woman: Is Ed there?
Me: I’m sorry, you have the wrong number. (We get a lot of calls asking for Ed.)
Woman: Oh, is your mommy or daddy home?
Me: …This is actually my house. I’m an adult.
Woman: Oh! You sound like you’re 12 years old!
Me: I’m not.
Woman: Well, this is Karen Anderson from the Missing Children’s Foundation, how are you today?
[click]

Did she actually think I was going to donate to her charitable organization after that?

The Bad Idea

(I certainly hope I don’t offend anyone with this post. Especially not anyone I actually like.)

I may have mentioned before that I volunteered to be in charge of my ward’s monthly book club. There were some problems before with organizing it and I agreed to take over, make sure things got back on track. I have never in my life even participated in a book club, much less been in charge of one, so I was unsure what to expect.

Unfortunately, it appears from my first experience that book clubs are simply Not My Thing.

It was nice to have five or six people come, especially since that was a full half of the people who signed up; I expected only three or four. Bad Thing #1 was that everyone came having just eaten dinner, so snacks were left untouched. (Wait, who am I kidding? It’s a bad thing that I had an entire box of ice cream, whole jars of hot fudge, chips & salsa, and a homemade veggie tray? No, it wasn’t bad, it was lunch the next day.) Bad Thing #2 was more of a personal issue than anything else — the first three women who came were all pregnant and naturally had a conversation amongst themselves about their pregnancies, a touchy subject for me at the moment. Bad Thing #3, though, actually pertained to the book club itself. We were meeting to decide on a book to read for March, and I had made up a list of suggestions, since it was at my apartment and I was The Boss. Or so I thought.

Actually, my willingness to accept help and direction on how to run a book club was interpreted as “Please, take charge of the conversation and book list” by a well-meaning lady, who had been the previous Boss. I felt a bit like I was forced into a position where I couldn’t disagree or voice my opinion. Ah, well, I probably just interpreted her actions that way, and I could have been all wrong. The reason it became Bad Thing #3 was that the situation seemed removed from my control, and picking a book was no longer my responsibility.

Bad Thing #4 caught me off guard. Because everyone was almost cautiously repeating book titles, vaguely saying they would or wouldn’t like to read such-and-such book, I asked if there was a consensus on one of the titles — The Kite Runner. Subtle nods became more sure as everyone glanced at their neighbors. Then it happened. The same well-meaning lady let me know that in the old book club, whoever picked the book was in charge of leading the discussion and providing ample background information on the author and book next time we meet; and, of course, I had just picked the book.

Well, alright, none of this is really all that bad. I just have a feeling that what I wanted out of a book club was someone telling me what to read. Getting together to talk about the book I couldn’t care less about. That’s what I go to class for. Regardless, I now have another book to read (whether or not I picked it myself), and a discussion to prepare.

If nothing else, my apartment will still be clean for a few more days before it degenerates back into its usual mess!

Living the easy life

Alright, dear readers, it’s time for another exciting post by yours truly. Are you ready? Good. Because I have some disclaimers. First, I really have no room to talk about today’s subject, since I have no experience whatsoever in this area. Second, I really only had one disclaimer. But it sounded better with two. Okay, here we go.

A few days ago Krista told the Romgi and I about a lady in her ward who is having a baby sometime soon. (By “sometime soon” I mean in the next 9 months. No idea how pregnant she is, but let’s pretend she’s 7 months.) This lovely woman is planning on having the baby at home, sans midwife or doula — just her and her husband. Which I think would be fine except that it’s her first baby. Here is where my lack of experience comes into play, and I ignore that. WHAT IS SHE THINKING?! Apparently she and her husband bought a book about emergency births and if anything goes wrong (which, according to her, it won’t), they’ll just pull that out. Um, so this is what could happen:

Wife: What’s going on?! Something is wrong!!
Husband: I don’t know! The baby is turning weird colors! I think the cord is wrapped around its neck!
Wife: Quick, grab the book!
Husband: ……………..Where did you put it?!?

You get the point. Anyway, Krista said that the primary reason this lady has for doing such a risky (in my eyes) thing is that she wants to be comfortable. I believe her words were something like, “What if I want to take a bath or watch a movie?” Again with the no experience bit: but I’m pretty sure that you could find someplace in a hospital to take a bath, or even watch a movie. Doing both at once, though — well, she’s right, then. You could only do that at home. Why bother with people who have childbirth experience? Seriously, couldn’t she at least have another woman there, one who has actually had babies before? Maybe they’re trying to save money. Maybe they’re in that unfortunate income range where they don’t qualify for Medicaid but can’t afford insurance. And if I were in that situation…I WOULD HAVE SOMEONE THERE WITH ME! Krista and the Romgi and I had a good long rant about the seeming recklessness of this decision. Sure, the wife will be comfortable enough while she’s lounging around, but what happens when she actually goes into labor? Don’t people usually take classes or at least talk to someone to help prepare them for the experience? Because I’m pretty sure that childbirth is a big deal.

Oh wait, I wouldn’t know. Obviously this lady does. Here’s a toast to her completely stress-free delivery.

(Dear readers with and without any knowledge on this subject, you are now free to comment.)