Maybe not

After my great post-Spark nap last night, I really couldn’t sleep. I was awake until 6:30. In the morning. And the Bwun woke up at 9. (He was up much later than usual because he had a post-dinner nap, too, when normally he takes just one midday nap. I thought he ought to sleep in because of the extra nap…no such luck.)

With so little sleep, I’m definitely not feeling the “clean the whole house” idea.

Is it naptime yet?

Please fix my life

I need you to tell me how to get rid of my bad habits and become perfect, tidy, charming (wait, got that already), and brilliant (close on that one). Better yet, just wave your magic wand. Please?

I’ve been feeling really lousy the past few weeks. I had hoped it was just some weird girly hormone thing, because I usually (back me up on this, the Romgi) am fairly level-headed – but since the start of 2010 have cried about (1) spilled paint; (2) the Bwun not cuddling with me, which he never ever does; (3) the Romgi making a fantastically delicious candlelit dinner for me; (4) forgetting to move laundry from the washer to the dryer; and (5) a song on the radio. I’m sure there are other instances that I’ve blocked from my memory.

Combined with this madness, the Bwun is either sick or teething (or maybe just plain ornery). He takes a nap at a regular time, but he tends to wake up about half an hour after I put him to bed at night. It drives…me…crazy. Of course I think the Bwun is pretty much the greatest baby in the universe, but with my mood and his fussing I find myself overly frustrated with him more and more often. And I’m exhausted.

Unfortunately, I feel like all of these things are just excuses for me to be lazy. I don’t want to spend all day doing laundry – so maybe I’ve used the Bwun’s fussy behavior as a “reason” for not getting it done. Ditto with the kitchen, the bedroom, my class, and so on.

Seriously, I want my life back. The one where I’m in control of how I feel. This is just getting ridiculous. (But I did set up the computer again and start posting more, so you must not mind, right?) I just baked some brownies in the Baker’s Edge pan the Romgi got for Christmas, and maybe that will help. Any other solutions?

The Romgi: Frenemy?

I read Graceling by Kristin Cashore last night – I’ll post a review soon, but in the meantime I wanted to rant a little bit about something the main character expressed in the book…

Does the majority of society view marriage as confining, restricting, and a hinderance to one’s independence? Do they see marriage as a fundamental change to one’s nature, for the worse? Is it a loss of a woman’s identity?

I won’t pretend that there are no sacrifices involved in marriage, and certainly on a basic level we give up a certain type of relationship with others and commit to our spouse. But I wouldn’t call marriage a cage. I don’t feel trapped. It’s an immense comfort to be so inextricably linked with my best friend, to know that we are each a top priority to the other. If I have changed, it’s for the better. Spouses uplift and edify each other, working together to improve. To me, it’s a beautiful partnership, one that is definitely worth any freedoms I might have had to give up (though honestly, I don’t feel like I have given much up).

I think the Romgi and I have together expanded, expounded upon, and refined my identity. I don’t feel a sense of loss for who I once was, or that I said goodbye to anything fundamental about me. Instead, I am more myself now than I was before – a better self, as I said. I think marriage makes us more than the sum of our parts. We’re better people as spouses than as individuals. The Romgi is not my enemy for taking away my identity. He’s my best friend and has completed me (awww, sappy).

And now I’m done ranting, because the Bwun is tearing a napkin to shreds. Feel free to share your thoughts – and don’t hesistate to disagree with me; I want to hear what you think.