when, annie?

so, all these months of waiting, and it comes down to one word:

tomorrow.

I have a very strong feeling of deja vu right now. of sitting here and typing this. but I don’t think it was so hot how I remember. at 11 o’clock this morning it was an uncomfortable 94 degrees, and went up from there. how I wish I had a friend with a swimming pool! (at this point I’d even take the two separately — a friend, and/or a swimming pool.)

ryan got his the-end package today. the-end in the sense that I can’t afford to send any more, and at some point I won’t send them even if I can afford to. it was a good package though, and I’m glad he enjoyed it.

work, bleh. it’s all nonsense. although apparently lauren did something bad and lied to mick sr about it and was actually let go, she didn’t just decide to leave; we had a meeting this afternoon where mick said that “one of our employees had an indiscretion last week, and was dishonest about it. I just want you all to know that that is grounds for immediate termination.” he went on about how honesty is absolutely crucial to the company, and he will find out if we’ve been doing anything we oughtn’t, and so on. at first I thought he was talking about someone who was in the meeting — and I’m sitting there going, oh crap, what did I do?! but I guess he really was talking about lauren. nobody else left last week so it must have been her. I suppose he would’ve been sure about it before he fired her, but I wonder if lauren really did something as bad as he claims. I remember last wednesday — the day she left — he asked to see a copy of her spreadsheet, and the images she’d been indexing, and her times from the previous day. then he took all of that and had a long meeting with lauren and tim and after that was when lauren said she’d be leaving. it makes me so curious!!

not much else to add. I have passed the custard stage and now my heart feels like a giant cocoon where the (used-to-be) caterpillar is wriggling, squirming all over trying to get out. it’s a nice combination of imagery between a fluttery thing and a nervous anxious can’t-sit-still something-wonderful-is-about-to-happen feeling. yes I’m awesome.

immediate wishes 007

– as always, a puppy
– some way of being able to start work later than 6am, get off at the same time, and still make as much money as I would by working full 8-hr days
– a copy of their eyes were watching god by zora neale hurston, paperback, perennial, 1998. used through amazon.com for $4
– I could go for some vanilla ice cream with magic shell topping right about now. and I’m in luck, it’s all in the kitchen!
– calvin and hobbes books to borrow from kendy
– finish reading lady of the sorrows

wahoo, I can get half of those things. that’s much higher than usual.

sisterhood of the traveling pants

yes, it’s true, I went to see it last night. it was very last-minute — the show started at 9:55; at 9:38 I got off the phone with ryan and shouted, “mom, I’m gonna go see the girl movie!” she asked if I was going alone, so I reminded her that no one would go with me. but…I asked my dad yet again, and he agreed to go! that not only meant I wasn’t by myself, but my ticket was paid for as well. it was good times.

afterwards I got into a mood. not exactly weepy, but — oh wait. it was exactly weepy. so I talked to ryan for another hour and a half. a while ago he said that everything in his life right now seems to be “ish”. happy-ish. interested-ish in so-and-so. my life is the opposite. everything is so intense, both good and bad, and it’s really wearing me out. I don’t notice how exhausted I am until I get into a mood, and I know the fact that the movie tried to make me cry had a lot to do with this whole thing last night, but suddenly it felt like there are a lot of issues and complications in my life that I’m completely ignoring. and maybe the fact that I ignore them is what allows me to be so gloriously deliriously content most of the time.

then again, maybe I was right in my first guess: my personality is just more suited to semi-frequent downs to keep the ups enjoyable. when everything seems pleasant and I’m in that fantastically happy stage, something in the back of my mind wonders, “isn’t this a little too happy? what terrible thing is about to go wrong and bring me crashing down to reality?” and then I hit a mood, which rarely lasts for more than an evening. two days at most. then voila, happiness again, pure and carefree at first. after a while of that I’ll get to worrying that I’m just in the calm before the storm, and then the storm will hit, and then I’ll be fine again, etc., etc. because today I’m fine again. awfully tired, but content. I think it’s the ability to get through the little mikastorms I cause for myself that reminds me, when I’m happy again, that life really is good — mikastorms included. there’s nothing I can’t get through.

ah, it’s nice to be sappy again.

at the moment, though…I don’t want to think about jarom coming home. probably because that custard-y feeling is kinda uncomfortable and weird. I should think of a better analogy next time, one that doesn’t give me such icky mental images.