정유진Posted: March 2, 2006 Filed under: Bartleby the Scrivener Leave a comment
as we’ve been watching 겨울연가 we all wonder, what’s the deal with 유진 always being so sad? it’s as if everything in her world is wrong, from her point of view, and she can’t do anything about it except have that look and try not to cry.
today I have that look. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. all week I’ve been irritable, grumpy, crabby. it bothers me that a tiny little thing will make me upset, and I’ll snap at jarom, who hasn’t done anything wrong. I hate being irritable, and so I get sad, and feel bad about speaking rudely to jarom, but I can’t explain to him why the whole thing is going on…
this isn’t restlessness. I know only too well what that feels like. this is more of a melancholy, only what is it for? surely I’m grown up enough to not be feeling this way because I can’t make him come back; can’t I be mature enough to accept that maybe he is never coming back? why does that always have to be the underlying cause of all my melancholy? maybe I’m just tired of knowing exactly what I want — for once in my life — and there’s no way of getting it. except waiting. and waiting. and waiting, until I end up with this look on my face again.