Hello readers. Look at your kids. Now look at mine.
Turn around. Where are you now? You’re on the internet, looking at the kids your kids could be like. Look again, the baby is quiet because she’s got a pacifier. Scroll up, then down the pacifier is now DIAMONDS!!
Inspired by this video.
Earlier in the year, Roni and I went to a live show for the comedian Brian Regan. We both enjoyed his previous routines, and if you haven’t heard of him, you should check out some of his DVDs on Netflix, or at the very least run a search for him on YouTube. He’s got some good stuff, and it is pretty much all family friendly.
As part of his routine, he did a bit about how as parents, you say things to your children that no human should have to say to another human. He then told a story about how his daughter and he were play wrestling on the floor, when she got up onto the couch, and jumped from the couch onto his head. He had to say, “Please don’t jump on daddy’s head!”
Ever since then, Roni and I have tried to keep track of the odd things we’ve said to the Bwun.
“Why are you scraping crackers on your tummy?”
“Stop putting your meatballs in your milk!!”
“Is that cupboard your little office?”
“Stop checking that monkey for poop!”
“Why did you paint the couch with Oreos??”
So, you other parents out there, what crazy things have you said to your children?
tl;dr- kids are lolz
Watsonville, CA – Early Thursday morning, Stephen C. Martinelli, president of the well-known S. Martinelli & Company, made an announcement that vast changes are are coming to the family business. S. Martinelli & Company, known for its gold medal award-winning sparkling apple cider, is changing its marketing strategy in order to target the younger generation. Martinelli announced that his company is re-branding several of their key products, including their famous sparkling apple cider.
“It really makes a lot of sense,” the president said speaking of the change, “I am surprised that we didn’t realize this earlier.” He announced that the sparkling apple cider will now be known as “Edward Apple Juice.”
Martinelli cited the significant artistic placement of the apple on the cover on the first book of immensely popular Twilight series, as well as the fact that the vampires sparkle when exposed to sunlight, as the primary reasons for the change.
“With how popular this whole Twilight thing is, we’d be stupid to not try to take advantage of it.” Martinelli said as he put on a “Team Edward” t-shirt; his daughter stood next to him wearing a shirt which read “I like boys (and apples) that SPARKLE.”
The crowd of teenage girls burst into cheers, as their forlorn boyfriends looked on with grim determination. With renewed confidence, the company’s president said that the marketing shift made sense, as the sparkling cider is often seen as an alcohol-free alternative to champagne, and most of the fans of the series are underaged women. ”They’re just going to eat this stuff up!” he said with enthusiasm.
The president said that the company had recently concluded significant negotiations with Stephenie Meyer, the author of the Twilight series, and she seemed positive about the changes. Ms. Meyer could not be reached for direct comment, but a call to her manager confirmed that the new beverage will be featured heavily in the upcoming Twilight movie, Eclipse.
Of all the season, I have always most enjoyed autumn. I love the brisk wind that you makes you wear a jacket. I love the bright colors that appear on the trees. Another of my favorite things is the food!
In ran into this story while roving the internets this morning. I thought it was just too cute to not share. You can read it at the original site here.
Child Eloper’s Africa Plan Foiled
The budding lovebirds, identified as Mika and Anna-Lena, packed bathing costumes, sunglasses and a lilo and headed for the airport.
They even had the presence of mind to invite along an official witness – Anna-Lena’s seven-year-old sister.
The three got as far as Hanover railway station before police intervened.
The young couple were “very much in love” and had decided to get married in Africa “where it is warm”, police spokesman Holger Jureczko told the AFP news agency.
The idea for the getaway wedding was born as the children’s families celebrated New Year’s eve together and Mika regaled the two girls with stories of a recent holiday to Italy.
The following morning, as their parents slept, the intrepid trio walked 1km (0.6 miles) to the local tram station at Langenhagen, where they hopped aboard a tram for Hanover central station.
But the group aroused the suspicion of a guard as they waited for a train to the airport, and police were called in.
Officers persuaded the children they would not get far without tickets and money, but consoled them with a free tour of the police station, where they were shortly picked up by relieved parents.
Although any marriage plans have been put on hold for now, police did not altogether rule out the possibility of an African wedding.
“They can still put their plan into action at a later date,” AFP quoted the spokesman as saying.
My favorite parts: 1. He wooed them with tales of his vacation to Italy, and 2. they brought a witness!
That being said, if the bwun ever wooes some girl with tales of our vacation, and then runs off at age seven without telling us, I will kill him. Not really, but still.